She gets that evil part from me.

We are having a problem with the evil (but catchy) Backyardigaans DVDs that Grandma and Grandpa bought LM for X-mas (Gee, thanks guys.) We don't have a TV so she would watch them on our laptops and then after a while we couldn't have the stupid things out without the whining and begging and pointing with sounds that she assumes convey meaning.

So Husband and I went to Best Buy and got a portable DVD player (because the safety of my laptop was seriously undermined by all this Nick Jr. nonsense) and now she watches on that. This is all well and good (although even as I write this the machine is making some noise that I am pretty sure it isn't supposed to make - LM figured out how to open it and take the DVD out and play with the laser. You think she might be an engineer when she grows up?) but now I have to hide that from her if I don't want her watching it. I try to only let her watch it right before meals. That way when i turn it off, we are going to do something specific which she enjoys and there's not nearly as much throwing herself on the ground and screaming like I put her teddy in the garbage disposal.

However, now I have to hide the DVD's (as it is they are on the top shelf of her bookcase) because she has figured out what the cases look like and will just stand underneath the bookshelf and whine, "mem mem mem mem..." until I want to eat glass.

It's official. She's an evil genius sent to destroy me.

Why would a grown woman want a stuffed animal?....And other valentines day questions.

Valentines day confounds me. I find it amazing that corporate American has convinced the rest of us that one day a year we are supposed to buy each other things and if we don't, then they obviously don't love you and should be killed immediately (wait that sounds a lot like Christmas). Husband and I don't celebrate Valentines day (or black Thursday as I am calling it this year) or most other commercial holidays. Granted, we have x-mas with our families and I love giving birthday presents to other people (and of course to LM when s he is old enough - just for the record a birthday party for a 1 year old is not for the child....they have no idea what the hell is going on), but we don't buy each other gifts. I just don't understand why I would want someone to buy me something with my own money. Plus I am more of a spontaneous gift kinda girl.

Anyway, all of this is just besides the point. What I really wanted to write about is the stuffed animal phenomenon. Why would a grown woman want a teddy bear? Let's ponder that.

Also, why is an arrow through the heart an image that brings love to mind? Really you would just bleed to death.

Why do the stores start selling Easter candy in January? ok, that's not a valentines question, but it confuses me.

Why do we make children give valentines to everyone in their class? Yeah, yeah, I know it's so no one feels left out, but seriously people is that realistic. Don't you think we should be preparing them for the real world. Plus no one wants to give a valentine to the kid who sits in the corner and smells like pee.*

Anyway, Give me chocolate any day - or everyday, and then when I am 400 lbs you can leave me Ahhhh, love!

*Just kidding about this one folks - I don't want any hate-mail for that one.

And...we're back.

Well folks, it has been quite a while since I last posted and I apologize for the lapse. Things have been pretty crazy here. Here's a down and dirty run-down of what has been happening for the past 2 months.

Little Monster Update:
LM now:
runs mostly, sometimes walks. And is way too mobile for her own safety (or my sanity).

Says: Momma (mostly mem-me, or mim-mim-mim-mim; she's into repeating), dada, teddy,
DUCK (yes it is said like that), CAT!, Dogga, caw-caw (bird), and....George Tikae. Ok, she
doesn't really say George Tikae, but she constantly makes a noise that sounds like that
and my trekkie husband has decided she is channeling Sulu.

Must sleep with two or three teddy bears.

Turned 1 years old

Went to a birthday party

Has still yet to meet her betrothed, but hopefully a trip to San Francisco is in the near future.

As for the rest of the clan, we are living in Portland. Husband is running the kitchen of a popular bar/restaurant and loving it. I am currently still unemployed, but LM and I are having fun and I have been rather crafty (as in Martha Stewart crafty, not clever) during my time off.

Our Christmas was very low-key. My parents and sister came and stayed for a week. We didn't have a traditional x-mas given our current financial state and it was actually nice. Much less stressful.

Other than that there isn't much to tell. I will really try to write more frequently about the interesting things that happen - although now that I'm not working (or interacting with much of the general public) there isn't much.

RIP Breastfeeding

Well, it's official. The bond that LM and I share over my sweater meat is over. I am actually more sad about it than I thought I would be. I will miss the morning cuddling while she has a snack and the instant need to be with me (and my boobs) when she hurts herself.

However, I will not miss her evil little teeth.

Now before I get hate mail about weaning my baby before she was 1, let me just let you all know that none of this was my doing. First I had a plugged milk duct which my milk supply never really recovered from. But did that deter us? Of course not! Then we stopped nursing to sleep (OK that was my doing mostly to keep my sanity because you can only have someone sucking on your tit for hours on end for so long...8 months was enough). After that we were still going strong during the day, nursing at least 4 or 5 times a day. Then LM just stopped asking for it as much. And pretty soon we were down to only nursing when she would wake up in the morning (and if she had caused herself to bleed). But at least we had the mornings....

The true death of the nursing came recently when the biting became unbearable (she has been biting me ever since she got teeth at 5 months, but that was tolerable). Anytime I try to nurse her she can't make it more than 5 seconds without biting the shit out of my nipples with her 8 teeth...yeah, 8! I tell her to stop and she laughs (I am aware that she is a little evil). then the cycle just starts over again, until I give up an go make her a bottle (go ahead bite the shit out of that!).

The last two days have been nothing but biting so I am putting my foot down and ending our lovely booby relationship. I think I would have put up with it longer if she was actually even nursing when she did it, but she really just starts right in on the biting and I just don't have time (or nipple toughness) to do it if she's not even going to focus.

Guess I get to reclaim the fun bags!

Creepy must run in the family...

I have always known that I am what I call a "sensitive". Now, I am not Psychic, I do not see the future, but I am ridiculously observant and good at reading people and situations. Husband is not so good at this and therefore lucky that he is married to me or he would be beating the crazies off with a stick. Here are some examples:

1. I will generally know within 10 minutes of talking to someone whether or not we can be friends/if they are nut-jobs. That's not to say that some people don't grow on you and others can't make you think they are relatively normal for a short time when they are actually totally insane, but for the most part I am very accurate at this. and just so you know.

2. After meeting someone once or twice I can usually tell what you are likely to do in a given scenario.

3. I can very easily read relationship dynamics and tell whether people are going to last or go down in a fiery crash/break-up.

4. If it's a bad idea....I can tell you it's a bad idea.

I know what you are thinking. C'mon. Give me a break. But seriously it is true. I don't have ESP I am just really good at taking variable and analyzing them and coming up with the most likely scenario or reading body language, voice cues, and general demeanor to determine compatibility and overall personality. It's just that I do it without having to think about it. Friends and family have also noticed this and I am regularly requested to meet new boyfriends, or what I think about something or other. For example: I always know my sister's new boyfriend is going to be a loser when she will bring him over to dinner at my parents house, but when I ask to meet him she says, "Uh...no!"

Anyway, this post isn't really about me, except to say that I now have even more proof of my super-human powers ;).
There have been two instances in the last month that have both totally freaked me out and shown me that I am not alone in my creepy ability. My family is creepy too.

Evidence #1: My mother is way creepier than I am.
A few weeks ago she was visiting us in Portland. We left LM with Husband and went out for some lunch. We were mostly through with our food when my mom suddenly stopped.

"That was weird"

"What"

"I just got a feeling like LM was bleeding or hurt or something."

"Great Mom, thanks for making the rest of my lunch super relaxing."

Laughs. "Sorry, I'm sure it was just me being silly"

"Well I hope so."

We finished our lunch and drove the 5 minutes or so home where Husband and LM were waiting for us on the porch both smiling.

"See, she's fine."

We reach the stairs.

Husband: "Well, we had a little scare there while you were gone."

I give my mom one of those looks like, you are totally creeping me out and if he says that LM hurt herself and was bleeding I will run inside and lock the door and you can sleep in the Jeep with your Ouija board.

"What happened?"

"Well she was eating some blueberries and she started choking. I had to put her over my shoulder and really whack her back to get her to stop."

"Holy shit! Are you serious"

"Why? Why are you giving me that look? Were you expecting something bad to happen because she was with me? Hey just because I am not the mommy doesn't mean the baby is automatically in danger!"

"Well, that's debatable, but no that's not why I am looking at you like you just told me the baby flew off the roof. How long ago was this?"

"I don't know, 10 minutes or so."

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!! See, my mom is way creepier than I am.
Later she recounts to us that this has happened to her before. Once she had a dream about a friend she hadn't talked to in about a year. He was floating outside of his body and my mom had until midnight to get him back in or he would be stuck like that forever. She thought nothing of it, but when she talked to him months later she asked,

"What were you doing last Thanksgiving?"

"I was in Arizona"

"Yeah, but what were you doing?"

"Oh, I was in the desert doing paeodi."

"Keep out of my subconscious, dammit!"

Evidence #2: LM sees dead people...I think!
So when LM a little baby she used to just stare off into space or at the wall/ceiling sometimes. I always figured that's just what babies do, but I wondered what exactly she could be looking at on the blank white wall or ceiling. My mom insisted that she was staring into the astral plane.
Yeah, ok, whatever creepy lady.

But last week something happened and no I am concerned that I have passed on the creepy gene via my offspring.
LM was sitting on my lap in the rocking chair drinking a bottle and staring at the ceiling (yeah, I know we are back to staring at the ceiling). All of a sudden she gets this little happy smirk on her face and waves....at the ceiling.

Holy balls. My baby sees dead people. And they live on her bedroom ceiling....or they are incredibly tall.

FINALLY!!

Well, we move into the new apartment on Saturday and I am soooo excited. It sucks not having your own space. The job hunt continues so if anyone lives in Portland and has a job openening, let me know.
After the move hopefully I will have more time for blogging. Things have just been so crazy lately. LM is doing well and getting bigger and smarter by the day....it's a little scary actually. She is walking like a champ now and has become ultra-aware of her surroundings and her place in it. She does the funniest shit...

Halloween is always fun, but is made more so now that there is a little one in the house. She was too adorable in her costume. Pictures to come.

Anyway, more later.

New Addition

Please welcome the newest addition to the family. Husband's sister just had a little girl. A little girl who has the unfortunate distinction of being named after a certain character from LOTR (who will hence be called frodo)....'nuf said.

And so begins the SIL drama. So you know how SIL is always on our case about not keeping in touch (we just suck at making phone calls...please don't count the number of times you have called us in a month and then report said number back to us in an attempt to guilt us into communicating with you. That just makes us realize how crazy you are.)....

Well, since SIL was well overdue she was supposed to be induced Thursday if nothing was happening with her lady bits. So Thurs AM rolls around and we have heard nothing so we call MIL who had arrived at SIL's on Tuesday. We leave messages and wait. A few hours later we get a call from MIL telling us that 8 hours earlier the baby had been born after a long labor the day before (Wednesday). So no one thought it was a good idea to call us and let us know SIL had gone into labor, let alone that the baby had been born??? WTF people. Now it is understandable that the person who has just pushed a large human being out of her hoo hoo will be a tad preoccupied and wouldn't have time to call everyone, but MIL and BIL were both there and neither of them pushed something out of their hoo hoo. I suppose this normally wouldn't bother me so much, except for the fact that if we had done that when LM was born the shit would have hit the baby fan. And for the record we not only called them all when LM was born, but kept them updated throughout the labor. So I am officially on a boycott of Husband's family right now. Not to mention that we only today received picture of the new edition....ugh!

We'll see if I get on a 6 hr plane ride with a newly 1yr old LM to see them come X-mas....I don't think so. I am a vindictive bitch sometimes...it's only one of my many charms.

Little toddling monster

LM took her first real solo steps today. This baby is nuts. Ask me whether I wanted to have a walking 10 month old......no, not so much. But I got the obnoxiously advanced baby that I got, so that's that.

Portland is very nice and I am still enjoying my time here, but to some degree I feel like I have no place, no purpose. We are staying with friends which can get difficult normally, let alone when you have an infant in their baby-less house. Also, I am still not working and one day blends into the next. It is a never ending cycle of figuring out what to do with the baby in someone else space until she takes her next nap or goes down for the night. Ugh! I need my own place and probably a job! I wanted to try and do the stay at home thing, but I don't know if I've got it in me. Even when she is being really good LM is exhausting. Maybe I will feel differently when we have moved into our new apartment. We'll see.

Anyway, need to go and clean up the mess that LM has made in my friend's living room now that she has finally gone to sleep.

Well, here we are in the rainiest place on earth....uh, aside from the rain forest.

Monday night we arrived at Portland International Airport. The flight with a 10 month old that started right around bedtime was interesting to say the least, but we made it and I managed to no become "that woman on the place with that f-ing baby".

It really is beautiful here. Saw our new neighborhood/apartment and it is great. I should never have doubted husbands apartment finding ability. Although, you can't blame me for being worried after this little gem:

Husband: So how's the neighborhood? Is it child-friendly?

Apartment Manager: I have never had a problem. It's not dangerous....but there is a bit of a meth problem.

Husband: um.....ok, thanks for you time.

Well I am off to try and find a job that does not include bringing people food for tips...wish me luck

WE HAVE AN APARTMENT PEOPLE!!!

Well, We've done it....we are no longer homeless. Granted, I have yet to see this apartment and Husband was left alone to pick out where we will reside, but I am excited nontheless. Mostly just because we won't be living in a cardboard box.

Updates to come. sorry I have MIA lately....Busy, busy , busy!