Well, our little monster has arrived and she is just about the most precious thing I have ever seen.

I must admit, I never thought of myself as particularly maternal, but I am already having a hard time imagining going back to work and leaving her. Now this is not because I really have any interest in being a stay-at-home-mom, or would like to abandon my career aspirations in order to clean my house and change diapers all day....the real problem is I can't imgaine allowing a random stranger to take care of me. I am really quite protective of her and have to fight the psychotic situations that play out in my head where she falls into the subway track or a homeless person tries to steal her and seel her on the black market.

Anyway, you are now privy to the mad ravings of a new mother...good luck!

BTW, she is a she and she was 7;b 4oz when she was born and is perfectly healthy and actually a really good baby...quiet and a good sleeper....thank the lord!

Well, my little monster is hungry...

Woke up having some minor contractions this morning around 5am. They haven't stopped and are about 10 minutes apart, although it's not a perfect system, sometimes it's longer, sometimes shorter. I guess my body is gearing up...I must admit it is a little distracting to sit at work and wonder how soon my little monster will be with us.

Plus the contactions are somewhat uncomfortable to sit through so sitting at this desk sucks. I think I will leave early today and try and take it a little easy.

Get in my last few minutes of peace before the end of my non-mommy life.

Wish me luck.

Cracked a filling yesterday, went to the emergency dental clinic to try and have it repaired before the holiday. I tried not to mention angrily that the dental clinic in the same practice had put in this filling less than a year ago and that a bagel truly had been its undoing.

Anyway, as the dentist reviewed my chart she asked me about any medications and I told her and then she paused and said...."uh, birth control?" I didn't answer right away because I wasn't rally sure if she was serious or not. "Um....no, I am pregnant...very pregnant,"

"Oh, oh, I didn't even notice!"

Ok, really? I am almost 39 weeks pregnant meaning I am almost as big as I'm gonna get. Did this woman really not notice the enormous beach ball protruding from my mid-section? I guess I should be flattered, but somehow it's not confidence inspiring when a medical professional is so completely unobservant that a 9 month pregnancy doesn't jump out at 'cha.

The countdown.

1 and 1/2 more weeks until the due date, which basically means I could go into labour at any time. I have become paranoid and now am concerned that any odd movement or spicy meal will send me careening into the baby void.

Here is the strangest question that I get all the time: "Are you excited?"
First of all you need to be more specific than that.

Am I excited to push a watermelon out of my vagina? Not really, my vagina and I have always had a mutual respect agreement and I am about to violate it to the extreme...it may never forgive me.

Am I excited to have another human being suck my life force through the little holes in my nipples? not really.

Am I excited to wake up every 2 hours to feed the little monster and then deal with the urine and feces that accompany? No

Am I excited in that abstract way that people get excited about something new and unknown? Absolutely. I am excited to meet my baby, to see what kind of person it will become, to watch it sleep and play and smile.

So the question itself is a little stupid. Of course I'm excited, but asking an enormously pregnany woman if she is excited to have the baby is dumb. No, I'm scared shitless, but I can't tell you that so your question is moot. Because you don't really want to know the answer and even if you did, no woman can answer it properly without launcing into a diatribe like the one you just read......ugh!

On a brighter note - gifts are starting to arrive and I love presents...plus my rocking chair should be here by Friday which is very exciting.

I know I already posted today, but I just had to get something out there.

The Boy and I went on an expedition tonight to find some tasty cupcakes (don't mock the pregnant woman's need for buttercream frosting) and we decided to go to Crumbs instead of Magnolia since it is closer.

Now if you live in NYC and are in the know, there is quite the rivalry between the 2 companies. I believe it has something to do with Magnolia's being first and then someone from inside breaking off and making crumbs. Ok, here is my assessment. While Crumbs' cupcakes are larger and of more interesting assortment...they just plain aren't as good. Last time we went to Magnolia I thought I was going to slip into a rich sugar induced coma...and I was pretty much ok with that. Plus Magnolia has such a great feel and smells amazing as you can see them frosting your cupcakes right there...yummy.

I highly recommend anyone making a trip to New York to stop into the West Village (which is damn cute all by itself) and go to Magnolia bakery for some fine cupcakes.

Happy sugar coma...

Yeah, no more students...for a few months anyway. My students took their final exam today. I also finished grading their other test and left feeling not quite as sad as the last time I was grading. I mean how can you get more than half wrong. Who let these kids in here? I might be more inclined to feel sorry for them if they weren't whining all the time about how school is hard.....so don't go then dumbass! You're the ones paying for this...and contrary to popular belief it is my job to facilitate your learning (and learning can be hard), not make your life as easy as possible while you sial through school so you can graduate and make ungodly amounts of money that you don't deserve.

Anyway, I am free..free..free. For the next couple of weeks anyway until the baby is born.

Happy Friday,

coital cephalalgia......who knew?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coital_cephalalgia

A friend of mine thinks she is suffering from this (basically "sex headaches")and is seeing a doctor shortly. Anyone have any experience with this or know of helpful treatments?

Yeah Orgasms!

Had a proper orgasm yesterday....it's been too long. Now, you might be asking yourself why a married woman has had to wait for so long.....

I am 36 weeks pregnant (for those of you who don't know what that means it means really pregnant, just a few weeks left). Granted my husband loves the way I look and it constantly trying to molest me....he's not the problem. The problem is, it is difficult to find a position in which you can get your rocks off with a beachball for a belly. Plus it changes. A position that worked last week might not work this time, etc.

I am quite content with last night's debauchery, although I paid for it a bit later when I lay moaning in pain as K tried to rub my aching back. The price we pay for good sex...alas....it was worth it.

BTW....

everyone should go out and rent "an inconvienietn truth". Granted, it may want to make you move your family into a cave somewhere in the wilderness (I've already started bidding on some cave property out west), I think it is one of the best documentaries I have seen. Plus you get to see Al Gore actually be funny! I know, crazy.

Last day of the the 4-day weekend.....

and I am feeling melancholy. I don't really want to go back to work tomorrow...who does? But I shouldn't complain too much since in a few weeks I will go on maternity leave. Not that that's a vacation by any means, but I am looking forward to not going into the same building everyday and dealing with the same bullshit over and over again.

Anyway, enough of my whining. Started freaking out a little yesterday realizing that I didn't have my hospital bage packed yet and really it is possible that I could go into labor a few weeks early and I would be utterly unprepared. So up I got to pack the bag. Gotta say, a lot tougher that I thought it would be. What outfit to bring for the baby? for me?
I pasted together a list I thought would be best for me from a bunch of online suggestion lists and this is what I've come up with:

o Folder for new paperwork
o Birth plan
o Insurance card
o # of pediatrician
o Toothbrush/paste
o Comb, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, chapstick
o Maxipads
o batteries
o hair bands
o Watch (with second hand)
o Movies to watch
o Magazine
o Outfit//blanket for baby
o Baby Sling
o Heating pad
o Underwear (2-3 pairs)
o Socks/slippers
o Bandana (to cover what could be a disasterous hair day)
o Outfit for leaving in
o PJs (button front for breast feeding)
o candy
o snacks for me and fam
o Change for vending machines
• Camera

I think it's a pretty good list. Now all Ihave to do is write the birth plan, buy snacks and toiletries, etc. Ok, I never said I wasn't still procrastinating, but at least it's a start.

Lets here it for the girls (pun intended)....

If I had a baby to feed already I would have been all over this - we shouldn't have to leave public places just because some people have riddiculous and backwards ideas about what's decent......If it bothers you so much, stop looking at my breasts jackass!!!!

Mothers Rally to Back Breast-Feeding Rights

Here's another important one....

www.nurseatstarbucks.com

by the way starbucks - do you feed your children in the bathroom? Have you seen some of the starbucks bathrooms?

Happy nursing!

Ok,

I know it's been a while, but things have been pretty busy around here.

4.5 weeks to go....I can't believe I will have a llittle baby in a month, I still can't wrap my mind around the idea. We are excited though. We now have most of what we will need for when the baby is born (including about 1 zillion onsies that we have recieved as gifts.....jk, thanks to all).

Total weigt gain: about 20lbs - I can't complain, I though I would be house-sized by the end so I am pretty happy. I am now starting to see the extra padding through the hips and butt (well even more exrta than the extra that was there before I go pregnant) and my face is looking chubbier too, but only 4 weeks to go so I'm trying to suck it up and be positive.....go with the flow and have another cupcake I say!

I am feeling strong though. Starting to feel little braxton-hicks contractions, but otherwise I am not having too much discomfort. The teaching semester is almost over, which is very exciting because it means I don't have to worry about work as much anymore and I don't have to deal with students for the few weeks before the baby is born.

Weird pregnancy-related oddity of the day - my nipples are changing color to a light brown which I find odd, but I know this is normal so I am not worried. Also the amount of "lubrication" my bod is producing is appraoching ridiculous. I have heard it called the snail trail, and I would have to agree with the comparison. Just one more thing to prove that if you don't have a sense of humor about yourself, you will never make it through being pregnant. That definitely goes for sex too. Pregnant sex can be downright hilarious, especially at the end when you are so big.

Anyway, I am rambling....I am going to go watch bad movies and enjoy the rest of the 2nd day of my long weekend.

APR

28 week check-up complete....no problems to be seen.
Blood pressure perfect
Baby's heart beat strong
Weight gained 6 lbs (ok so that's double last months, but who's counting) for a total of 14lbs
Sonogram results in - all within normal limits (you'd think they could find a nicer way to say that)

So that went well, but my back problems are worsening. Not sure I can take 3 more months of this...not like I have a choice. Baby has been much more active lately and kicking me high near my stomach. The midwife says this could mean that the baby is already head down which is good she says since it is likely to stay that way at this point.

Well that's all for now

I hate maternity clothes!!!!!

None of them ever fit correctly. I spend half of my day trying to pull up my maternity pants because they constantly fall down, but the size smaller is utterly too tight.

What's a hip mama to do when she is faced with 2 choices. Buy yuppie-esque soccer mom maternity garb, or spend ungodly amounts of money for trendy (but slightly less offensive) mama clothes....I have resorted to sewing spandex panels into the fronts of my jeans...working so far.

So far Old Navy has been the best. The Gap is too expensive and the motherhood stores are just a little too cheesy with their selection for me. My advice, find ways to wear you pre-preggers clothes for as long as possible....saves you money and youknow you already like them. It may take some creative layering or small sewing projects, but it can be done, at least until you are as big as a house :)

So I have decided that the baby is not going to expand my uterus anteriorly anymore, but instead will continue growing into my chest cavity until my lungs are crushed and I suffocate to death.....

I feel like my ribs are breaking....what fun pregnancy can be.

The problem with being a scientist and pregnant is that I actually know (generally) what exactly is happening to my body when I feel this or that. For example: I know that the strange sensation I feel at the middle of my stomach ( feels like someone poking me really hard from the outside - not the inside) is really the two halves of my abdominal wall tearing apart....pleasant thought, no?

You don't look any bigger....

So I am about 25.5 weeks pregnant now and apparently have stalled in my belly growth. Twice now coworkers have mentioned that I don't look like I am getting any bigger or I don't look like I've gained that much weight. Now normally you would think that this would be flattering, but as I'm sure all you pregnant women know whenever people tell you you don't look "normal" you start to worry.....is my baby not growing? Am I not eating enough? How big am I supposed to be?

My whole life I have tried not to let other people ideas of what is normal get to me so I refuse to appologize that I have not gained 20lbs, especially since I eat when I'm hungry and I pretty much eat whatever the hell I want, but the scary thing about pregnancy is that you can't see what is going on in there. I can't tell if my baby is growing healthily or not which makes it easier to be nervouse when you are diffferent from other people.

In general I am finding that every pregnancy is different and given that I am a large framed woman, I am not surprised that my belly doesn't stick out as far as some at this point. My pelvis is large so there is more room in there for the baby to grow without pushing its way out. I guess that's good news for the skin on my stomach :)

Who ever wished for a girdle?

OK so I am slowly getting larger and larger. Which is fine, no real complaints except that sometimes I feel like my ribs are breaking. It happens especially when I have been walking for long periods of time or sitting up in a chair without a back...

It certainly isn't pleasant and the only thing that makes it feel better is pushing one my ribs. My husband finds this very amusing as it has become his new job whenever we are waiting for the train. My best guess, as the baby takes up more and more of the room intended for my vital organs, everything is shifting upwards. My rib cage is expanding to accommodate and given that it is bone it can only give so much....sure hurts though.

I'm guessing it will only get worse....oh joy!

24 weeks down...16 more to go.

Total weight gained: 7.5 lbs (now if you are thinking that isn't that much...don't fret, I had a little extra before the whole process started).

Odd occurrence of the week: Lately, every once in a while, I have been experiencing some dizziness and being off balance when I walk around.

One morning I woke up and rolled over in bed feeling like the bed was spinning ("bed spins" for those of you who have experienced that morning after drinking feeling). No matter what I did I couldn't make it stop. I got up and it was worse. I tried sitting on the edge of the bed...nope. After a while it had calmed down a bit and I decided to go take a shower and get ready for work. While I was in the shower it came back...every time I bent down to get shampoo or soap, I felt like I was going to fall over. Not wanting to fall in the shower, I continued the process sitting on the shower floor.

Eventually the dizziness subsided, but I was left feeling nervous. We've all gotten a head rush when we stand up to fast, but this was different and prolonged dizziness can never be good. I felt like I couldn't trust my body anymore, like I was a Little out of control (which for us semi-control freaks is actually a little scary).

So I enquired about this and the answer was surprisingly simple. As the baby gets larger (and therefore heavier), lying on your back or sleeping flat can cause dizziness when you change positions or wake up. While that explanation at least helped to calm the thoughts of death racing through my mind, I still wanted to know why this happens to us pregnant folk. So, I broke out the old anatomy textbooks and did a little research. Here's what I found:

In your abdomen, your blood supply travels through 2 main vessels: The abdominal aorta, which is a continuation of the aorta exiting the heart, and the Vena Cava. During a normal pregnancy (as in not a high risk one) a woman's blood vessels relax (vasodilation) and open in an attempt to maximize blood received by the fetus. At the same time blood pressure drops making the vessels work harder to move the blood. This isn't really a problem for arteries (like the aorta) because they are lined with muscle, but veins (which rely partly on the body's skeletal muscle to push on them in order to push the blood back up towards the heart) have a little more trouble, especially since they are fighting gravity anywhere below the chest.

Ok, now we know what's there. Here's what causes the dizziness: your body is already working harder to return the venous blood to your heart so it can be redistributed, but now throw a 1-7 lb baby on top of the vena cava. Ahhh, now we see the problem. The fetus' weight presses on the vena cava making blood return to the heart more slowly.

You may be asking yourself, what does blood going to my heart have to do with feeling dizzy? Well, dizziness (at least in pregnancy) is caused by lowered blood pressure which in turn causes which can reduce blood flow to the brain. With the fetus' weight now pressed against the vena cava venous blood return is a lot slower and the amount of blood available to be pumped to your brain decreases.

So there you have it. Dizziness and lightheadedness during pregnancy is generally caused by lowered blood pressure (especially in the 2nd trimester) and its accompanying problems. And we know why they tell us not to sleep flat on our backs. Tell your friends. I know I always feel better about something once I know what causes it. Because to be honest, we are always frightened of what we do not understand.

Holy Heartburn Batman!

Here is a list of things that currently give me heartburn:

1. Food

There you go....depressing huh?! I will leave this post short and sweet as I am off to drink pepto pathetically from the bottle.

woe is me...

What the F*#% is an epidural?

The major debate in childbirth right now is natural childbirth vs medically oriented childbirth. Which is better for mom? Baby? The hospital (now there's the question no one is asking. But we should since what is in the best interest of the doctors/hospitals can influence the medical advice we are given.)?

I am not here to tell anyone what they should do during their birth experience, and I think that too often feminism forgets that at its roots the movement is about giving women choices and not vilainizing them for any particular choice. Epidurals are not inherently evil, they provide a valuable service to women who through whatever circumstances cannot (or feel they cannot) endure labor without pain management.

Here's an example of how epidurals can be beneficial when used appropriately. My Sister in law (written as SIL from here out) had planned to have a home birth attended by a midwife. SIL went into labor in the middle of the night and waited it out, progressing slowly. Her water had broken and she was having strong contractions, but the labor dragged on and on and after 24 hours of labor her midwife came to this conclusion: she did not doubt that SIL would eventually birth the baby. What was in question was whether or not she could actually push the baby out after 24 hours of labor without sleep. SIL couldn't sleep because of the pain and discomfort and the midwife was concerned that she would be too exhausted to push when the time came. So the decided that they should all go to the hospital and get SIL an epidural so that she could get some rest and would be strong enough to continue with her vaginal delivery. And that's exactly how it went. SIL rested and when she was strong enough, the epidural was taken out and she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Now this is not a typical birth and most women will not have this problem, but that is exactly what epidurals and medical interventions are for...they are for those unexpected complications. Unfortunately today they are seen more as necessary and routine which is where part of our problem lies.

Ok, going back to choices. I am all about women's choices and that the choices made in childbirth should be made by the mother, however, I believe that uninformed choices can be just as bad as no choice at all so I decided to put the information out there so that women can make informed and empowered decisions about their birthing experience. The following are the scientific facts behind epidurals: what they are exactly, the drugs they are composed of, side effects, etc. Some of this may seem scary (and my intention is not to shock you out of getting an epidural) but I think that is because it is inferred that medical interventions are harmless or else why would our doctors give them to us? That is a question to be answered at another time I am afraid. Anyway, on with the show...

If you look up epidural in an online encyclopedia (in this case wikipedia), you will find the following:
note: I have added links to things that people might want to explore in more depth.

The term epidural is often short for epidural anesthesia, a form of regional anesthesia involving injection of drugs through a catheter placed into the epidural space. The injection can cause both a loss of sensation (anaesthesia) and a loss of pain (analgesia), by blocking the transmission of pain signals through nerves in or near the spinal cord.

Ok, but WHAT is it...what's in it? Read on...

A patient getting a modern epidural for pain relief generally receives a combination of local anesthetics and opioids. Common local anesthetics include lidocaine, bupivicaine, ropivicaine, and chloroprocaine. Common opioids are morphine, fentanyl (80 times stronger than morphine), sufentanil (5-10 times more potent than fentanyl), and pethidine(aka: Demerol). These are then injected in relatively small doses. Occasionally other agents may be used, such as clonidine or ketamine.

Ok, so now I finally had the answer to my question (what the f*#% is an epidural). An epidural is made up of some serious narcotics....I must admit I was a little surprised. Now here is my next question: Our entire pregnancies all we hear about is how drugs are bad and anything we take gets into the baby's blood stream, etc., etc...so why is it suddenly ok to take morphine or demerol right before our baby is born? And don't fool yourself, epidural drugs are not special...the baby gets those too.

So now we know what is in our epidurals, now lets look into some of the sides effects. As we all know from watching pharmacuetical commercials, ALL drugs have some side effects, here are some of the general effects of an epidural:

• Loss of sensation (including touch) - well this was kind of the point!
• Loss of muscle power
• Loss of function of the sympathetic nervous system, which controls blood pressure

So, lets see what we've got: Loss of muscle power (so most women are confined to bed to prevent falls), drop in blood pressure (this can have further implications), loss of sensation - lets look at that last one a little more closely.

Epidurals work by blocking the pain signals that your body is sending from getting to your brain. But what works one way works both ways and if your brain can't get signals then it is likely that it can't properly send them either (well, it's sending them, but no one is answering the phone). This means that often women can't feel how hard they are pushing and can end up causing more tearing.

Ok, let’s have some more: Epidurals are often associated with maternal fever, loss of bladder control, nausea, and vomiting, and respiratory depression. So now you are confined to bed with a catheter in your back and one in your bladder and you're puking....lovely! Hospitals also usually require women with epidurals to be under continuous fetal monitoring, something that not all women want.

One major thing to consider, Epidural analgesia is associated with longer labor. The epidural can slow down labor, sometimes completely arresting it requiring further intervention in the form of labor induction drugs (namely pitocin).

There is lots of debate over whether or not epidurals contribute to higher rates of c-section, and I am certainly not going to argue that I know the answer, but if you look at some of the side effects caused by the drugs given during an epidural, then you realize that since you are passing these to the baby, the baby can also exhibit these symptoms (depressed respiration, drop in blood pressure, fever). Given that you are being continually monitored, doctors can see these changes and may be concerned that your baby is in distress. When doctors are concerned with fetal distress, c-sections often ensue. Now, I am not saying that if you get an epidural, you are going to have a c-section. What I am trying to do is use the facts and paste them together logically so that women can understand how these things turn from simple pain management into invasive surgery.

Again, I am not saying that women shouldn't use epidurals. If that is what you want...go for it. But, you should have all the information before you make your decision. Also, if you do want to have an epidural, do it for you. Don't do it because your doctor or society is making you feel like you can't bear the pain. Yes childbirth hurts, a lot, but it is supposed to hurt. We have been giving birth since the rise of our species. Therefore, you CAN do it, but you don't have to and that is the point of feminism. Empowering women to make their own choices.

So please ladies, lets start supporting each other instead of judging each other. Women need the support of other women. So if a friend says they want an epidural don't judge them, just make sure they have all the info and let them do what they think is best. And conversely for those of you who are all about medical intervention, that is your right and good for you, but don't make me feel like I am endangering my child by using a midwife instead of a OBGYN, going to a birthing center instead of a maternity ward, or saying I want to deliver intervention free. And for God's sake, calling someone modern, feminist, or natural is not an insult so stop trying to use it as one.