My grandmother died Tuesday night at 93 years old. And as I watched her take her last breath, I realized that being there surrounded by my mother and aunts I felt peaceful. I was of course sad that my grandmother was dead, but I was also happy for her. The last few years have been hard on her. She systematically lost her ability to walk, see, and hear while maintaining her mind (except for a few occasions). Imprisoned in a broken body. She was finally free.
In her final moments she was surrounded by the women who loved her, the women she had grown in her belly and raised to be strong. They in turn have shaped who I am as a person. In that moment, I felt no need for male energy. It would have been an intrusion into our estrogen rich space.
She had a date with my grandfather...a date she had waited for for 22 years, and finally, she would be showing up.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
A whipping with the bible belt!
Ok, so first, I have recently been addicted to the Google Analytics for my page and wanted to give a shout-out to my readers from Mexico, India, Canada, Indonesia, Australia, Saudi Arabia, and our friends across the pond (UK). Thanks for reading about my ridiculous little life.
Anyway, onto the good stuff:
One thing I didn't miss about living in the Midwest (whilst living in NYC) are the occasional visits from the shepherd's flock. Now, if they were truly sent by the Lord you would think that they could pick some other time to come to my door other than when I have finally managed to get the baby down for a nap after a 45 minute battle royal.
So the other day as I sat down to check my email after finally leaving LM peacefully in her crib, I hear my parents' dogs barking. I go to the door and there is a little old man standing there. Instantly, I knew where this was heading. My parents live out in the country and there is no reason for anyone to come to their door unless they are attempting to spread the word of God.
We had a lovely conversation (that would have ended with me kicking his ass if he had woken up the baby) about all the things Jesus did (I guess he was there).
Among the very interesting things that I learned during our conversation:
Jesus cured everyone before his speech on the mount (according to medical records).
God allows all the horrible things that happen in the world because of what happened in the garden of eden (maybe it's just me, but that hardly seems fair).
There are terrible things happening all around us today, like wars (yeah, most of which are carried out in the name of religion - or some perversion of it).
We ended our little exchange with this tasty bit:
Thumper: "There are over 2,000 religions being practiced in the United States today (not sure I believe this, but ok). Which one do you suppose God approves of ?"
Me (in my head): Ummm...I'd say that depends on who you talk to, but I'm gonna guess the one that believes in Jesus).
Me (outloud): Um.................
It's good to be back!
Anyway, onto the good stuff:
One thing I didn't miss about living in the Midwest (whilst living in NYC) are the occasional visits from the shepherd's flock. Now, if they were truly sent by the Lord you would think that they could pick some other time to come to my door other than when I have finally managed to get the baby down for a nap after a 45 minute battle royal.
So the other day as I sat down to check my email after finally leaving LM peacefully in her crib, I hear my parents' dogs barking. I go to the door and there is a little old man standing there. Instantly, I knew where this was heading. My parents live out in the country and there is no reason for anyone to come to their door unless they are attempting to spread the word of God.
We had a lovely conversation (that would have ended with me kicking his ass if he had woken up the baby) about all the things Jesus did (I guess he was there).
Among the very interesting things that I learned during our conversation:
Jesus cured everyone before his speech on the mount (according to medical records).
God allows all the horrible things that happen in the world because of what happened in the garden of eden (maybe it's just me, but that hardly seems fair).
There are terrible things happening all around us today, like wars (yeah, most of which are carried out in the name of religion - or some perversion of it).
We ended our little exchange with this tasty bit:
Thumper: "There are over 2,000 religions being practiced in the United States today (not sure I believe this, but ok). Which one do you suppose God approves of ?"
Me (in my head): Ummm...I'd say that depends on who you talk to, but I'm gonna guess the one that believes in Jesus).
Me (outloud): Um.................
It's good to be back!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
My baby the goat: Part II
LM has greatly expanded her diet as of late. Of course she is fond of typical things like apples, turkey, nectarine, blueberries, and chicken. However, there have been a few surprises in the "I can't believe my baby ate that" category. In the last 48hrs, LM has eaten and wanted more of the following foods:
Raw red onion
black olives
cajun chicken
and.....
pebbles (which we managed to keep her from eating, but it was a close call)
Clearly she is an alien. Now it has become a little game. The "let's see what weird things we can get her to eat today" game. Ahhhh, the joys of parenting.
In other news:
I was stung by a wasp yesterday which totally sucked.
My 93 yo grandmother decided that she could no longer eat or drink because if she did she would choke and die (I tried to get her to understand that if she didn't eat or drink the the outcome would be similar...minus the choking) and is now in the hospital with dehydration.
LM went to playgroup and had a grand time. She loves other children. I have to keep her from expressing too much love. This usually end up with LM tackling the other baby to the ground in an attempt to hug and kiss them. Other parents love that. My baby the linebacker.
Anyway, Later I will write about my very interesting encounter with the dorr to door jesus peddler.
Raw red onion
black olives
cajun chicken
and.....
pebbles (which we managed to keep her from eating, but it was a close call)
Clearly she is an alien. Now it has become a little game. The "let's see what weird things we can get her to eat today" game. Ahhhh, the joys of parenting.
In other news:
I was stung by a wasp yesterday which totally sucked.
My 93 yo grandmother decided that she could no longer eat or drink because if she did she would choke and die (I tried to get her to understand that if she didn't eat or drink the the outcome would be similar...minus the choking) and is now in the hospital with dehydration.
LM went to playgroup and had a grand time. She loves other children. I have to keep her from expressing too much love. This usually end up with LM tackling the other baby to the ground in an attempt to hug and kiss them. Other parents love that. My baby the linebacker.
Anyway, Later I will write about my very interesting encounter with the dorr to door jesus peddler.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Cause you know you wanna hear all the random shit that goes on in my life....
Here's a quick update on things here in the "belly blogs" household:
1. My belly is still larger than I would like, but I have managed to lose 2 pounds so far since the move.
2. The little monster is now attempting to stand on her own which means a lot more falling down, smacking her face and then crying
3. LM is still basically sleeping through the night....although the waking up at 6am has continued to my dismay
4. I am working on my photography and shot a wedding yesterday. The pictures turned out pretty well and I am happy with the results.
5. Today I cast a set of chess pieces in plaster which turned out very nicely.....yes, I am crafty. Just call be Martha Stewart minus the fraud...and about 30 years.
6. I unfortunately have started smoking again (don't ask why, I can't tell you) but at least I can get outside away from LM. Now I just have to start doing lots of cocaine and drinking and I can really show off my superb parenting skills.
7. Husband is leaving Friday to start the long drive to OR. LM and I will be flying over and joining him on the 1st of October.
8. *Random Tangent* Why is it that as soon as you have a baby people start asking about when you will have more? Slow down people. We are still trying to keep this one from killing herself on a daily basis, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
9. *Random tangent #2* My parents' neighbors have about 5 dogs that they have in an outdoor kennel at all times and the fuckers bark incessantly. WTF shitty neighbors. Don't have dogs if they aren't allowed to come int he house.
10. LM has learned to say "Doggie" (although it comes out more like "dogga"), unfortunately now anything with 4 legs and fur is a "dogga" whether it is canine or not.
11. I still have yet to find a job in Portland....yeah, we are being real responsible about this whole moving across the country thing.
12. We are missing Supernanny and are tyring to find her yet another new job since woman we found before we left turned out to be an insane nanny Nazi who walks around her house with the baby in high heels. Who does shit like that. Apparently she didn't really want a nanny, she wanted a maid and she rarely even lets Supernanny hold the baby let alone take care of her. So if anyone knows of some nice people who are looking for a nanny let me know.
13. On Tuesday I am taking Lm to her first mommy and me play group. I am both excited and nervous about this. On the one hand I think that LM will LOVE it. She adores other children and I think has been missing all her friends from the NYC playgrounds. On the other hand, I am not that huge a fan of people in general and the thought of socially interacting with people who I might very well dislike simply because we have spawn disturbs me. I am not your typical mother. Usually I am younger than everyone else at these things and I have a much more laid back approach to parenting (read letting baby chew on batteries....please don't send me nasty emails about this, it's a joke people!) Ahhh, the sacrifices we make for our crotch fruit.
14. *Random tangent #3* Why is health insurance so damn expensive? I mean seriously folks! Who's a girl gotta sleep with to get some coverage around here?
15. My grandmother is slowly descending into madness (well I guess it's more like falling really fast). Apparently now her big problem is that her shoes won't stay one her feet. But no one else seems to see the shoes magically leaping from her feet. Although I suppose this is better than the time she thought there were little children living in the nursing home that walked through walls (My grandmother does not have dementia or Alzheimer's. She is, however, 95 and completely off her rocker).
16. I am enjoying my time so far away from the city. At times I am already nostalgic for the lights and sounds of NYC, but then there are times like these where I sit in front of the fire pit out under the stars and can type and listen to the crickets. At times like these, I know I'm not missing a thing.
1. My belly is still larger than I would like, but I have managed to lose 2 pounds so far since the move.
2. The little monster is now attempting to stand on her own which means a lot more falling down, smacking her face and then crying
3. LM is still basically sleeping through the night....although the waking up at 6am has continued to my dismay
4. I am working on my photography and shot a wedding yesterday. The pictures turned out pretty well and I am happy with the results.
5. Today I cast a set of chess pieces in plaster which turned out very nicely.....yes, I am crafty. Just call be Martha Stewart minus the fraud...and about 30 years.
6. I unfortunately have started smoking again (don't ask why, I can't tell you) but at least I can get outside away from LM. Now I just have to start doing lots of cocaine and drinking and I can really show off my superb parenting skills.
7. Husband is leaving Friday to start the long drive to OR. LM and I will be flying over and joining him on the 1st of October.
8. *Random Tangent* Why is it that as soon as you have a baby people start asking about when you will have more? Slow down people. We are still trying to keep this one from killing herself on a daily basis, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
9. *Random tangent #2* My parents' neighbors have about 5 dogs that they have in an outdoor kennel at all times and the fuckers bark incessantly. WTF shitty neighbors. Don't have dogs if they aren't allowed to come int he house.
10. LM has learned to say "Doggie" (although it comes out more like "dogga"), unfortunately now anything with 4 legs and fur is a "dogga" whether it is canine or not.
11. I still have yet to find a job in Portland....yeah, we are being real responsible about this whole moving across the country thing.
12. We are missing Supernanny and are tyring to find her yet another new job since woman we found before we left turned out to be an insane nanny Nazi who walks around her house with the baby in high heels. Who does shit like that. Apparently she didn't really want a nanny, she wanted a maid and she rarely even lets Supernanny hold the baby let alone take care of her. So if anyone knows of some nice people who are looking for a nanny let me know.
13. On Tuesday I am taking Lm to her first mommy and me play group. I am both excited and nervous about this. On the one hand I think that LM will LOVE it. She adores other children and I think has been missing all her friends from the NYC playgrounds. On the other hand, I am not that huge a fan of people in general and the thought of socially interacting with people who I might very well dislike simply because we have spawn disturbs me. I am not your typical mother. Usually I am younger than everyone else at these things and I have a much more laid back approach to parenting (read letting baby chew on batteries....please don't send me nasty emails about this, it's a joke people!) Ahhh, the sacrifices we make for our crotch fruit.
14. *Random tangent #3* Why is health insurance so damn expensive? I mean seriously folks! Who's a girl gotta sleep with to get some coverage around here?
15. My grandmother is slowly descending into madness (well I guess it's more like falling really fast). Apparently now her big problem is that her shoes won't stay one her feet. But no one else seems to see the shoes magically leaping from her feet. Although I suppose this is better than the time she thought there were little children living in the nursing home that walked through walls (My grandmother does not have dementia or Alzheimer's. She is, however, 95 and completely off her rocker).
16. I am enjoying my time so far away from the city. At times I am already nostalgic for the lights and sounds of NYC, but then there are times like these where I sit in front of the fire pit out under the stars and can type and listen to the crickets. At times like these, I know I'm not missing a thing.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Who are you and that have you done with my Little Monster?
I know it has been a long time since I last posted and I apologize.....sorry Pesce.
We arrived safely in the cheese state late on Friday. I spent a little over 24 hours away from LM and apparently while we were apart the body snatchers came and replaced her with a good baby that sleeps and everything. Now, this is a little disconcerting, but you will never hear this sleep-deprived mama complaining. Apparently the sleep gods took pity on me and switched my adorable but perpetually awake baby with one that takes consistent naps and can sleep through the night....WTF?
Ok, so I have to admit the change wasn't overnight, but it kinda felt like it. Since we got here she has been taking good long naps twice a day which in itself if AWESOME! But miracle of miracles there is more. Monday night we decided that we should start the sleep training in earnest. I must say that I was dreading it. I had full faith in LM's ability to cry us all into a mental institution. So the first night we all made a plan and vowed to stick with it.
Rule 1: We would let her cry for 5 minutes and then go comfort her for 5 minutes (Do this a
few times and then increase time interval she cries by 5 minutes but do not increase
the comfort interval.
Rule 2: We will not pick her up except in extreme freak-out situations.
Rule 3: If this goes one for 1.5 hours the mission will be abandoned for the night (I made this
rule based on the fact that I didn't think I could stand any more than that).
Night One:
So we put her down and half an hour later she was up crying. Husband went in to comfort her and she was back to sleep in less than the 5 minutes allotted....super. That wasn't so bad.
the second time she was back down after 2.5 minutes....even better.
After that she slept for 8 hours straight...wooohoooooo!
Night Two:
Because he had done so well the night before we decided to start with 10 minute crying intervals. She woke up. She cried. She fell back to sleep...sans comforting. HOLY CRAP THIS IS AWESOME!!
She did this a dew more times and every time was able to comfort herself back to sleep.
This is night 3 and so far she has been asleep for about 3.5 hours and hasn't woken up (knock on wood). Maybe she can make it all night.
So here are somethings that I think helped.
1. She is now in a dull sized crib with comfy mattress
2. She no longer lives in Manhattan with all the noise.
3. It actually gets dark here
4. Husband did all the comforting that first night. I think if I had gone in with the precious mammary glands she would have fought harder.
I really am amazed at how easy this all was. I really expected the worst. Everyone always told me how horrible the first sleep training is.....guess we got lucky.
There is only 1 downside to this whole thing. Since we moved, LM has decided that her wake-up time in 6am (about when the sun rises). this is not so great for me. I am not a morning person. This means that even though I am getting more continuous sleep I am still tired all day. One of two things will happen: 1. I will eventually come to terms with the fact that my baby is an evil spawn of the early morning devil and make my stubborn as go to sleep earlier; or 2. I will continue to suffer in a state of perpetual sleeplessness.....probably number 2, because I am stupid.
We arrived safely in the cheese state late on Friday. I spent a little over 24 hours away from LM and apparently while we were apart the body snatchers came and replaced her with a good baby that sleeps and everything. Now, this is a little disconcerting, but you will never hear this sleep-deprived mama complaining. Apparently the sleep gods took pity on me and switched my adorable but perpetually awake baby with one that takes consistent naps and can sleep through the night....WTF?
Ok, so I have to admit the change wasn't overnight, but it kinda felt like it. Since we got here she has been taking good long naps twice a day which in itself if AWESOME! But miracle of miracles there is more. Monday night we decided that we should start the sleep training in earnest. I must say that I was dreading it. I had full faith in LM's ability to cry us all into a mental institution. So the first night we all made a plan and vowed to stick with it.
Rule 1: We would let her cry for 5 minutes and then go comfort her for 5 minutes (Do this a
few times and then increase time interval she cries by 5 minutes but do not increase
the comfort interval.
Rule 2: We will not pick her up except in extreme freak-out situations.
Rule 3: If this goes one for 1.5 hours the mission will be abandoned for the night (I made this
rule based on the fact that I didn't think I could stand any more than that).
Night One:
So we put her down and half an hour later she was up crying. Husband went in to comfort her and she was back to sleep in less than the 5 minutes allotted....super. That wasn't so bad.
the second time she was back down after 2.5 minutes....even better.
After that she slept for 8 hours straight...wooohoooooo!
Night Two:
Because he had done so well the night before we decided to start with 10 minute crying intervals. She woke up. She cried. She fell back to sleep...sans comforting. HOLY CRAP THIS IS AWESOME!!
She did this a dew more times and every time was able to comfort herself back to sleep.
This is night 3 and so far she has been asleep for about 3.5 hours and hasn't woken up (knock on wood). Maybe she can make it all night.
So here are somethings that I think helped.
1. She is now in a dull sized crib with comfy mattress
2. She no longer lives in Manhattan with all the noise.
3. It actually gets dark here
4. Husband did all the comforting that first night. I think if I had gone in with the precious mammary glands she would have fought harder.
I really am amazed at how easy this all was. I really expected the worst. Everyone always told me how horrible the first sleep training is.....guess we got lucky.
There is only 1 downside to this whole thing. Since we moved, LM has decided that her wake-up time in 6am (about when the sun rises). this is not so great for me. I am not a morning person. This means that even though I am getting more continuous sleep I am still tired all day. One of two things will happen: 1. I will eventually come to terms with the fact that my baby is an evil spawn of the early morning devil and make my stubborn as go to sleep earlier; or 2. I will continue to suffer in a state of perpetual sleeplessness.....probably number 2, because I am stupid.
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