I have always known that I am what I call a "sensitive". Now, I am not Psychic, I do not see the future, but I am ridiculously observant and good at reading people and situations. Husband is not so good at this and therefore lucky that he is married to me or he would be beating the crazies off with a stick. Here are some examples:
1. I will generally know within 10 minutes of talking to someone whether or not we can be friends/if they are nut-jobs. That's not to say that some people don't grow on you and others can't make you think they are relatively normal for a short time when they are actually totally insane, but for the most part I am very accurate at this. and just so you know.
2. After meeting someone once or twice I can usually tell what you are likely to do in a given scenario.
3. I can very easily read relationship dynamics and tell whether people are going to last or go down in a fiery crash/break-up.
4. If it's a bad idea....I can tell you it's a bad idea.
I know what you are thinking. C'mon. Give me a break. But seriously it is true. I don't have ESP I am just really good at taking variable and analyzing them and coming up with the most likely scenario or reading body language, voice cues, and general demeanor to determine compatibility and overall personality. It's just that I do it without having to think about it. Friends and family have also noticed this and I am regularly requested to meet new boyfriends, or what I think about something or other. For example: I always know my sister's new boyfriend is going to be a loser when she will bring him over to dinner at my parents house, but when I ask to meet him she says, "Uh...no!"
Anyway, this post isn't really about me, except to say that I now have even more proof of my super-human powers ;).
There have been two instances in the last month that have both totally freaked me out and shown me that I am not alone in my creepy ability. My family is creepy too.
Evidence #1: My mother is way creepier than I am.
A few weeks ago she was visiting us in Portland. We left LM with Husband and went out for some lunch. We were mostly through with our food when my mom suddenly stopped.
"That was weird"
"What"
"I just got a feeling like LM was bleeding or hurt or something."
"Great Mom, thanks for making the rest of my lunch super relaxing."
Laughs. "Sorry, I'm sure it was just me being silly"
"Well I hope so."
We finished our lunch and drove the 5 minutes or so home where Husband and LM were waiting for us on the porch both smiling.
"See, she's fine."
We reach the stairs.
Husband: "Well, we had a little scare there while you were gone."
I give my mom one of those looks like, you are totally creeping me out and if he says that LM hurt herself and was bleeding I will run inside and lock the door and you can sleep in the Jeep with your Ouija board.
"What happened?"
"Well she was eating some blueberries and she started choking. I had to put her over my shoulder and really whack her back to get her to stop."
"Holy shit! Are you serious"
"Why? Why are you giving me that look? Were you expecting something bad to happen because she was with me? Hey just because I am not the mommy doesn't mean the baby is automatically in danger!"
"Well, that's debatable, but no that's not why I am looking at you like you just told me the baby flew off the roof. How long ago was this?"
"I don't know, 10 minutes or so."
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!! See, my mom is way creepier than I am.
Later she recounts to us that this has happened to her before. Once she had a dream about a friend she hadn't talked to in about a year. He was floating outside of his body and my mom had until midnight to get him back in or he would be stuck like that forever. She thought nothing of it, but when she talked to him months later she asked,
"What were you doing last Thanksgiving?"
"I was in Arizona"
"Yeah, but what were you doing?"
"Oh, I was in the desert doing paeodi."
"Keep out of my subconscious, dammit!"
Evidence #2: LM sees dead people...I think!
So when LM a little baby she used to just stare off into space or at the wall/ceiling sometimes. I always figured that's just what babies do, but I wondered what exactly she could be looking at on the blank white wall or ceiling. My mom insisted that she was staring into the astral plane.
Yeah, ok, whatever creepy lady.
But last week something happened and no I am concerned that I have passed on the creepy gene via my offspring.
LM was sitting on my lap in the rocking chair drinking a bottle and staring at the ceiling (yeah, I know we are back to staring at the ceiling). All of a sudden she gets this little happy smirk on her face and waves....at the ceiling.
Holy balls. My baby sees dead people. And they live on her bedroom ceiling....or they are incredibly tall.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Cause you know you wanna hear all the random shit that goes on in my life....
Here's a quick update on things here in the "belly blogs" household:
1. My belly is still larger than I would like, but I have managed to lose 2 pounds so far since the move.
2. The little monster is now attempting to stand on her own which means a lot more falling down, smacking her face and then crying
3. LM is still basically sleeping through the night....although the waking up at 6am has continued to my dismay
4. I am working on my photography and shot a wedding yesterday. The pictures turned out pretty well and I am happy with the results.
5. Today I cast a set of chess pieces in plaster which turned out very nicely.....yes, I am crafty. Just call be Martha Stewart minus the fraud...and about 30 years.
6. I unfortunately have started smoking again (don't ask why, I can't tell you) but at least I can get outside away from LM. Now I just have to start doing lots of cocaine and drinking and I can really show off my superb parenting skills.
7. Husband is leaving Friday to start the long drive to OR. LM and I will be flying over and joining him on the 1st of October.
8. *Random Tangent* Why is it that as soon as you have a baby people start asking about when you will have more? Slow down people. We are still trying to keep this one from killing herself on a daily basis, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
9. *Random tangent #2* My parents' neighbors have about 5 dogs that they have in an outdoor kennel at all times and the fuckers bark incessantly. WTF shitty neighbors. Don't have dogs if they aren't allowed to come int he house.
10. LM has learned to say "Doggie" (although it comes out more like "dogga"), unfortunately now anything with 4 legs and fur is a "dogga" whether it is canine or not.
11. I still have yet to find a job in Portland....yeah, we are being real responsible about this whole moving across the country thing.
12. We are missing Supernanny and are tyring to find her yet another new job since woman we found before we left turned out to be an insane nanny Nazi who walks around her house with the baby in high heels. Who does shit like that. Apparently she didn't really want a nanny, she wanted a maid and she rarely even lets Supernanny hold the baby let alone take care of her. So if anyone knows of some nice people who are looking for a nanny let me know.
13. On Tuesday I am taking Lm to her first mommy and me play group. I am both excited and nervous about this. On the one hand I think that LM will LOVE it. She adores other children and I think has been missing all her friends from the NYC playgrounds. On the other hand, I am not that huge a fan of people in general and the thought of socially interacting with people who I might very well dislike simply because we have spawn disturbs me. I am not your typical mother. Usually I am younger than everyone else at these things and I have a much more laid back approach to parenting (read letting baby chew on batteries....please don't send me nasty emails about this, it's a joke people!) Ahhh, the sacrifices we make for our crotch fruit.
14. *Random tangent #3* Why is health insurance so damn expensive? I mean seriously folks! Who's a girl gotta sleep with to get some coverage around here?
15. My grandmother is slowly descending into madness (well I guess it's more like falling really fast). Apparently now her big problem is that her shoes won't stay one her feet. But no one else seems to see the shoes magically leaping from her feet. Although I suppose this is better than the time she thought there were little children living in the nursing home that walked through walls (My grandmother does not have dementia or Alzheimer's. She is, however, 95 and completely off her rocker).
16. I am enjoying my time so far away from the city. At times I am already nostalgic for the lights and sounds of NYC, but then there are times like these where I sit in front of the fire pit out under the stars and can type and listen to the crickets. At times like these, I know I'm not missing a thing.
1. My belly is still larger than I would like, but I have managed to lose 2 pounds so far since the move.
2. The little monster is now attempting to stand on her own which means a lot more falling down, smacking her face and then crying
3. LM is still basically sleeping through the night....although the waking up at 6am has continued to my dismay
4. I am working on my photography and shot a wedding yesterday. The pictures turned out pretty well and I am happy with the results.
5. Today I cast a set of chess pieces in plaster which turned out very nicely.....yes, I am crafty. Just call be Martha Stewart minus the fraud...and about 30 years.
6. I unfortunately have started smoking again (don't ask why, I can't tell you) but at least I can get outside away from LM. Now I just have to start doing lots of cocaine and drinking and I can really show off my superb parenting skills.
7. Husband is leaving Friday to start the long drive to OR. LM and I will be flying over and joining him on the 1st of October.
8. *Random Tangent* Why is it that as soon as you have a baby people start asking about when you will have more? Slow down people. We are still trying to keep this one from killing herself on a daily basis, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
9. *Random tangent #2* My parents' neighbors have about 5 dogs that they have in an outdoor kennel at all times and the fuckers bark incessantly. WTF shitty neighbors. Don't have dogs if they aren't allowed to come int he house.
10. LM has learned to say "Doggie" (although it comes out more like "dogga"), unfortunately now anything with 4 legs and fur is a "dogga" whether it is canine or not.
11. I still have yet to find a job in Portland....yeah, we are being real responsible about this whole moving across the country thing.
12. We are missing Supernanny and are tyring to find her yet another new job since woman we found before we left turned out to be an insane nanny Nazi who walks around her house with the baby in high heels. Who does shit like that. Apparently she didn't really want a nanny, she wanted a maid and she rarely even lets Supernanny hold the baby let alone take care of her. So if anyone knows of some nice people who are looking for a nanny let me know.
13. On Tuesday I am taking Lm to her first mommy and me play group. I am both excited and nervous about this. On the one hand I think that LM will LOVE it. She adores other children and I think has been missing all her friends from the NYC playgrounds. On the other hand, I am not that huge a fan of people in general and the thought of socially interacting with people who I might very well dislike simply because we have spawn disturbs me. I am not your typical mother. Usually I am younger than everyone else at these things and I have a much more laid back approach to parenting (read letting baby chew on batteries....please don't send me nasty emails about this, it's a joke people!) Ahhh, the sacrifices we make for our crotch fruit.
14. *Random tangent #3* Why is health insurance so damn expensive? I mean seriously folks! Who's a girl gotta sleep with to get some coverage around here?
15. My grandmother is slowly descending into madness (well I guess it's more like falling really fast). Apparently now her big problem is that her shoes won't stay one her feet. But no one else seems to see the shoes magically leaping from her feet. Although I suppose this is better than the time she thought there were little children living in the nursing home that walked through walls (My grandmother does not have dementia or Alzheimer's. She is, however, 95 and completely off her rocker).
16. I am enjoying my time so far away from the city. At times I am already nostalgic for the lights and sounds of NYC, but then there are times like these where I sit in front of the fire pit out under the stars and can type and listen to the crickets. At times like these, I know I'm not missing a thing.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Who are you and that have you done with my Little Monster?
I know it has been a long time since I last posted and I apologize.....sorry Pesce.
We arrived safely in the cheese state late on Friday. I spent a little over 24 hours away from LM and apparently while we were apart the body snatchers came and replaced her with a good baby that sleeps and everything. Now, this is a little disconcerting, but you will never hear this sleep-deprived mama complaining. Apparently the sleep gods took pity on me and switched my adorable but perpetually awake baby with one that takes consistent naps and can sleep through the night....WTF?
Ok, so I have to admit the change wasn't overnight, but it kinda felt like it. Since we got here she has been taking good long naps twice a day which in itself if AWESOME! But miracle of miracles there is more. Monday night we decided that we should start the sleep training in earnest. I must say that I was dreading it. I had full faith in LM's ability to cry us all into a mental institution. So the first night we all made a plan and vowed to stick with it.
Rule 1: We would let her cry for 5 minutes and then go comfort her for 5 minutes (Do this a
few times and then increase time interval she cries by 5 minutes but do not increase
the comfort interval.
Rule 2: We will not pick her up except in extreme freak-out situations.
Rule 3: If this goes one for 1.5 hours the mission will be abandoned for the night (I made this
rule based on the fact that I didn't think I could stand any more than that).
Night One:
So we put her down and half an hour later she was up crying. Husband went in to comfort her and she was back to sleep in less than the 5 minutes allotted....super. That wasn't so bad.
the second time she was back down after 2.5 minutes....even better.
After that she slept for 8 hours straight...wooohoooooo!
Night Two:
Because he had done so well the night before we decided to start with 10 minute crying intervals. She woke up. She cried. She fell back to sleep...sans comforting. HOLY CRAP THIS IS AWESOME!!
She did this a dew more times and every time was able to comfort herself back to sleep.
This is night 3 and so far she has been asleep for about 3.5 hours and hasn't woken up (knock on wood). Maybe she can make it all night.
So here are somethings that I think helped.
1. She is now in a dull sized crib with comfy mattress
2. She no longer lives in Manhattan with all the noise.
3. It actually gets dark here
4. Husband did all the comforting that first night. I think if I had gone in with the precious mammary glands she would have fought harder.
I really am amazed at how easy this all was. I really expected the worst. Everyone always told me how horrible the first sleep training is.....guess we got lucky.
There is only 1 downside to this whole thing. Since we moved, LM has decided that her wake-up time in 6am (about when the sun rises). this is not so great for me. I am not a morning person. This means that even though I am getting more continuous sleep I am still tired all day. One of two things will happen: 1. I will eventually come to terms with the fact that my baby is an evil spawn of the early morning devil and make my stubborn as go to sleep earlier; or 2. I will continue to suffer in a state of perpetual sleeplessness.....probably number 2, because I am stupid.
We arrived safely in the cheese state late on Friday. I spent a little over 24 hours away from LM and apparently while we were apart the body snatchers came and replaced her with a good baby that sleeps and everything. Now, this is a little disconcerting, but you will never hear this sleep-deprived mama complaining. Apparently the sleep gods took pity on me and switched my adorable but perpetually awake baby with one that takes consistent naps and can sleep through the night....WTF?
Ok, so I have to admit the change wasn't overnight, but it kinda felt like it. Since we got here she has been taking good long naps twice a day which in itself if AWESOME! But miracle of miracles there is more. Monday night we decided that we should start the sleep training in earnest. I must say that I was dreading it. I had full faith in LM's ability to cry us all into a mental institution. So the first night we all made a plan and vowed to stick with it.
Rule 1: We would let her cry for 5 minutes and then go comfort her for 5 minutes (Do this a
few times and then increase time interval she cries by 5 minutes but do not increase
the comfort interval.
Rule 2: We will not pick her up except in extreme freak-out situations.
Rule 3: If this goes one for 1.5 hours the mission will be abandoned for the night (I made this
rule based on the fact that I didn't think I could stand any more than that).
Night One:
So we put her down and half an hour later she was up crying. Husband went in to comfort her and she was back to sleep in less than the 5 minutes allotted....super. That wasn't so bad.
the second time she was back down after 2.5 minutes....even better.
After that she slept for 8 hours straight...wooohoooooo!
Night Two:
Because he had done so well the night before we decided to start with 10 minute crying intervals. She woke up. She cried. She fell back to sleep...sans comforting. HOLY CRAP THIS IS AWESOME!!
She did this a dew more times and every time was able to comfort herself back to sleep.
This is night 3 and so far she has been asleep for about 3.5 hours and hasn't woken up (knock on wood). Maybe she can make it all night.
So here are somethings that I think helped.
1. She is now in a dull sized crib with comfy mattress
2. She no longer lives in Manhattan with all the noise.
3. It actually gets dark here
4. Husband did all the comforting that first night. I think if I had gone in with the precious mammary glands she would have fought harder.
I really am amazed at how easy this all was. I really expected the worst. Everyone always told me how horrible the first sleep training is.....guess we got lucky.
There is only 1 downside to this whole thing. Since we moved, LM has decided that her wake-up time in 6am (about when the sun rises). this is not so great for me. I am not a morning person. This means that even though I am getting more continuous sleep I am still tired all day. One of two things will happen: 1. I will eventually come to terms with the fact that my baby is an evil spawn of the early morning devil and make my stubborn as go to sleep earlier; or 2. I will continue to suffer in a state of perpetual sleeplessness.....probably number 2, because I am stupid.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Strike 2
Gotta type fast before you know who (the evil sleepless baby tyrant) wakes up (for the 50th time), so forgive any typos. A pediatric nurse practitioner suggested that we give LM a low dose of melatonin (available at whole foods) before bed. For those of you not inclined to nerdy scientific knowledge melatonin is a naturally occurring chemical in the brain that regulates sleep cycles among other things. So the theory is that for children with sleep disorders the melatonin will help them regulate their sleeping better. I hoped and prayed and hoped and prayed, but alas, it seems that there is no change.
LM - 2
Sleep tactics - 0
Tomorrow we are going to the evil baby empire super store that must not be named to get a vibrator to put under her mattress. It's all very sex in the city when Samantha puts her "back massager" in the baby bouncy seat. Trust me if I still had a vibrator I would use that, but no, I couldn't muster up the energy to masturbate if I tried. So, tomorrow we go to unnecessary baby product land to buy something that I hope will help. You have to keep hope or I might never recover.
In other news....
*I only have 9 more days of work before we move and I am soooooo excited. Now if I can manage to stay awake through them I'll be golden.
*I had a donut for breakfast this morning. It was awesome!
*I lost a few pounds (.....and then I had that donut)
*The grandparents are coming soon so we can sleep a little. YAY!
LM - 2
Sleep tactics - 0
Tomorrow we are going to the evil baby empire super store that must not be named to get a vibrator to put under her mattress. It's all very sex in the city when Samantha puts her "back massager" in the baby bouncy seat. Trust me if I still had a vibrator I would use that, but no, I couldn't muster up the energy to masturbate if I tried. So, tomorrow we go to unnecessary baby product land to buy something that I hope will help. You have to keep hope or I might never recover.
In other news....
*I only have 9 more days of work before we move and I am soooooo excited. Now if I can manage to stay awake through them I'll be golden.
*I had a donut for breakfast this morning. It was awesome!
*I lost a few pounds (.....and then I had that donut)
*The grandparents are coming soon so we can sleep a little. YAY!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Sleep Damnit....please!!!
So Operation Sleep Damnit has been almost a complete failure. We did succeed in getting LM to not nurse to sleep and it is now relatively easy to get her down at nigh. Plus Husband and I can now take turns which is AWESOME for me.
Unfortunately, after some early success, LM has decided that she will wake herself up every 45minutes - 2 hours and cry unless we pat/rock her back to sleep. I'm tellin' you this is almost more annoying then where we were at before. I can't figure out why she wakes up so fucking much....it is starting to make mommy CRAZY. I don't think I have any choice but to try the "cry it out" method once we have moved and have at least one door in our house that doesn't lead to the bathroom. I hate to do it, but I don't know what else to do. Nothing is working and I haven't slept even a half night in almost 8 months....now I know how sleep deprivation torture works. I would do just about anything right now for that baby to let me sleep.....Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!!
Beside my own sanity I know that it is not good for LM to be disturbing her sleep that much and given that she is the queen of nap refusal the girl needs all the sleep she can get. Let me give you an example just do you don't think I am exaggerating.
Yesterday super nanny informed that LM had only napped for a total of 40minutes all day. She still wouldn't nap when I got home from work and so passed out very tired around 7pm. Now you would think, exhausted, non-napping baby, no problem she is probably out for a while.....yeah, well, you'd be wrong. My unconscious baby was conscious again in about 45 minutes. After some patting back to sleep I had about another hour of peace before the next waking. This continued until about midnight. At 12 I put her down and went to bed myself. this time she actually slept until 2am and then I couldn't take it anymore and I brought her into the bed with me where she proceeded to toss and turn all night making mommy a tired, cranky, insane person!
Why sleep gods? Why are you punishing me? It's all those days I wasted sleeping until 2pm isn't it?
Unfortunately, after some early success, LM has decided that she will wake herself up every 45minutes - 2 hours and cry unless we pat/rock her back to sleep. I'm tellin' you this is almost more annoying then where we were at before. I can't figure out why she wakes up so fucking much....it is starting to make mommy CRAZY. I don't think I have any choice but to try the "cry it out" method once we have moved and have at least one door in our house that doesn't lead to the bathroom. I hate to do it, but I don't know what else to do. Nothing is working and I haven't slept even a half night in almost 8 months....now I know how sleep deprivation torture works. I would do just about anything right now for that baby to let me sleep.....Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!!
Beside my own sanity I know that it is not good for LM to be disturbing her sleep that much and given that she is the queen of nap refusal the girl needs all the sleep she can get. Let me give you an example just do you don't think I am exaggerating.
Yesterday super nanny informed that LM had only napped for a total of 40minutes all day. She still wouldn't nap when I got home from work and so passed out very tired around 7pm. Now you would think, exhausted, non-napping baby, no problem she is probably out for a while.....yeah, well, you'd be wrong. My unconscious baby was conscious again in about 45 minutes. After some patting back to sleep I had about another hour of peace before the next waking. This continued until about midnight. At 12 I put her down and went to bed myself. this time she actually slept until 2am and then I couldn't take it anymore and I brought her into the bed with me where she proceeded to toss and turn all night making mommy a tired, cranky, insane person!
Why sleep gods? Why are you punishing me? It's all those days I wasted sleeping until 2pm isn't it?
Sunday, August 12, 2007
The evil eye
MIL's husband is from Mexico. He is a really great guy and is totally getting into this being LM's grandpa thing even though he married MIL when Husband was in his 30's. Husband does not speak to his father so MIL's husband is the closest thing LM's got to a paternal grandfather....and trust me, he is a much better candidate for that role than Husband's father. anyway, he and LM quite enjoy each other's company so hopefully either she will learn Spanish or he will learn English better by the time she is old enough to talk.
Sorry, back to the point of the story. When we went to visit SIL, MIL, BIL, and GMIL (that would be grandma in law) in July LM was not having a good week. She got sick and was teething and was altogether not always a happy-camper. So one afternoon when she was having a particularly crabby period (complete with uncontrollable whining and mommy-clinging) MIL's husband walked by muttering something about "the evil eye" and how the baby must have it. The what? I asked.
"the mal ojo," he said..."Bad vibes" MIL explained.
ok. Apparently, in Mexico it is widely thought that a cranky baby is often suffering from the evil eye. The evil eye are bad vibes transmitted to the baby from the adults around it. Parents who are angry, unhappy people, jealous admirers, etc (after a little research I found that Turkish women often keep their babies under wraps for 40 days after their birth to keep them safe from jealous eyes). He continued to explain hat in Mexico they do a little ritual with an egg and some alcohol to cure it.
"Ok," I said. "It will make her stop this whining?....Do it!" Hey I'm an open-minded kinda person and who am I to say that a folk ritual done with an egg can't make my sick/teething/cranky baby feel better.
MIL's husband agreed that he would do it and sent us off to fetch an egg, some rubbing alcohol and a glass. We did as we were told. Once he had all the ingredients, he rubbed some alcohol on the egg (still not sure what that part is for) and then rubbed the egg over LM's forehead, chest, arms, and legs making crosses and circles. Then he acted as if he was brushing something off her body and.....that was it, done. We waited to see if this magic would work. MIL's husband cracked the egg in the glass and proclaimed that the evil eye LM was suffering from wasn't that severe. I asked why and he said that in extreme cases when the egg is cracked into the glass it will be a funny color, sometimes black.
Now I don't know if I believe in magic and the like, but I swear 5 minutes later LM was happy as a clam. I don't know who put the evil eye on my baby....but I have my suspicions.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Holy Brain Development Batman!!!
Over the last 4 days or so Little Monster decided to become the smartest baby in the world....just kidding, but she did suddenly start doing about 20 new things.
1. She sits up on her own
2. She has that crawling thing down
3. She gives high-fives
4. She waves hello and goodbye
5. She said "hi kitty" to Naughty Little Kitty (I did not make this up even if Husband doesn't
believe me)
6. While she was dealing with that crawling thing she decided to go ahead and start pulling herself into a standing position and standing with support.
7. Also, we got her a walker and she totally cruises in that sucker. I'm telling you, we may have created a big monster.
The best part about LM's new found mobility is that it makes my job oh so much more fun.
"Oh look how cute she is walking in the walker"
"Oh look she can reach the desk now..."
"Oh look she is tugging on the cord to the monitor that could fall over and crush her-
skull....isn't that sweet?!"
"She's walking to me......she's so cute....she's...STICKING HER FINGERS IN THE FAN!"
This parenting thing just got much more troublesome. That baby has a death wish.
I keep trying to remember what we fed her last week to prompt this amazing turn of events.....gotta remember not to give her anymore of that!
1. She sits up on her own
2. She has that crawling thing down
3. She gives high-fives
4. She waves hello and goodbye
5. She said "hi kitty" to Naughty Little Kitty (I did not make this up even if Husband doesn't
believe me)
6. While she was dealing with that crawling thing she decided to go ahead and start pulling herself into a standing position and standing with support.
7. Also, we got her a walker and she totally cruises in that sucker. I'm telling you, we may have created a big monster.
The best part about LM's new found mobility is that it makes my job oh so much more fun.
"Oh look how cute she is walking in the walker"
"Oh look she can reach the desk now..."
"Oh look she is tugging on the cord to the monitor that could fall over and crush her-
skull....isn't that sweet?!"
"She's walking to me......she's so cute....she's...STICKING HER FINGERS IN THE FAN!"
This parenting thing just got much more troublesome. That baby has a death wish.
I keep trying to remember what we fed her last week to prompt this amazing turn of events.....gotta remember not to give her anymore of that!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Dear Little Monster....
Dear Little Monster,
There are a few things that I wanted to discuss with you, but since you don't necessarily understand what I'm saying I thought I would write it down and make you read it when you are older to see how you have tormented me.
1. Please refrain from trying to crawl while nursing. This is quite uncomfortable for me and nipple aren't supposed to stretch that far. Also, diaper changing is a bad time to practice this.
2. Question. Do you have to make those weird grunts every time I feed you solids? Just wondering.
3. Please for the love of God could you sleep for more than 2 hours at a time (actually at this point I would take for more than an hour). You probably don't know this, but mommy is slowing going completely insane due to lack of sleep and frustration over not knowing what to do to convince you that sleep is....awesome. Seriously, I am really starting to lose it!
4. I know you want to play with Naughty Little Kitty, but I am sick of finding clumps of his hair in your fists....plus I think he's on to you. The fear of you has started to win against his pathetic need to be near me and he has started running away from you.
5. I know that you are really excited to walk, but maybe we should work on making this crawling thing happen first....what do you think?
6. When I am trying to get you to sleep why can I not sit down. I mean really, I don't see the difference. Either way you are draped over my shoulder and I am moving so do we have to stay in the position that is giving mommy scoliosis?
7. Why is your poo a different color ever day? And while we are on the topic, could you not stick your fingers in it when I am trying to change your diaper...thanks.
8. Could you let daddy know that when you are crying in the middle of the night and I say "it's your turn" and hit him, that doesn't mean "Please pick the baby up and put her in bed with me".
9. Just for good measure, please see #3 again.
There are a few things that I wanted to discuss with you, but since you don't necessarily understand what I'm saying I thought I would write it down and make you read it when you are older to see how you have tormented me.
1. Please refrain from trying to crawl while nursing. This is quite uncomfortable for me and nipple aren't supposed to stretch that far. Also, diaper changing is a bad time to practice this.
2. Question. Do you have to make those weird grunts every time I feed you solids? Just wondering.
3. Please for the love of God could you sleep for more than 2 hours at a time (actually at this point I would take for more than an hour). You probably don't know this, but mommy is slowing going completely insane due to lack of sleep and frustration over not knowing what to do to convince you that sleep is....awesome. Seriously, I am really starting to lose it!
4. I know you want to play with Naughty Little Kitty, but I am sick of finding clumps of his hair in your fists....plus I think he's on to you. The fear of you has started to win against his pathetic need to be near me and he has started running away from you.
5. I know that you are really excited to walk, but maybe we should work on making this crawling thing happen first....what do you think?
6. When I am trying to get you to sleep why can I not sit down. I mean really, I don't see the difference. Either way you are draped over my shoulder and I am moving so do we have to stay in the position that is giving mommy scoliosis?
7. Why is your poo a different color ever day? And while we are on the topic, could you not stick your fingers in it when I am trying to change your diaper...thanks.
8. Could you let daddy know that when you are crying in the middle of the night and I say "it's your turn" and hit him, that doesn't mean "Please pick the baby up and put her in bed with me".
9. Just for good measure, please see #3 again.
Friday, July 20, 2007
My response...
Below is my response to this article:
"My mother once told me that as a mother she could not be pro-choice...I didn't understand that at the time and after having my daughter I still don't. I am continue to be pro-choice and as a mother I think it is even more important that this right remains intact. Motherhood is life-altering and should not be forced onto women who are not willing/able to take it on. But more importantly I think about the children. I think about the thousands of unwanted babies that would be born and then neglected, resented, abandoned, or abused and I find a type of mercy in allowing to go peacefully from this earth without knowing those evils."
The JumperPOO
So in case you were not aware one of the fun parts about being a mom is that you child can routinely make you feel like a horrible parent even when you have no real control over a situation. Example:
This morning I put LM in her jumperoo while I went to get her stuff ready for Supernanny. I returned a few minutes later and saw that she was still jumping contentedly in the roo with naughty little kitty standing watch next to her. I had not yet put on my glasses so at first I didn't notice, but as I was smiling at LM I noticed that NLK was staring at something under her feet.
Holy Crap LM!!!! You're jumping in.....crap!
That's right folk, LM had pooped so much that it had come out of her diaper (through the leg holes) and covered the floor under her feet. Not only was there shit on the floor, but LM was still jumping and spreading the poo around with her feet.....ugh! I run and turn on the shower. get naked. Grab LM out of the jumperPOO and jump into the shower. On the way poo falls on my foot and gets on my legs and I am just having a super morning! I wash her off trying to make sure there is no poop left between her toes (since she loves to put them in her mouth). I finally get her clean and re-dressed (this is not as easy as it sounds given that I only have two hands I have to dry myself off as well) and into her bouncy chair to hang out while mommy cleans your feces up off the floor.....yup, motherhood is soooo much fun.
I am an awesome mom!!! Maybe next time we can finger-paint with it.
This morning I put LM in her jumperoo while I went to get her stuff ready for Supernanny. I returned a few minutes later and saw that she was still jumping contentedly in the roo with naughty little kitty standing watch next to her. I had not yet put on my glasses so at first I didn't notice, but as I was smiling at LM I noticed that NLK was staring at something under her feet.
Holy Crap LM!!!! You're jumping in.....crap!
That's right folk, LM had pooped so much that it had come out of her diaper (through the leg holes) and covered the floor under her feet. Not only was there shit on the floor, but LM was still jumping and spreading the poo around with her feet.....ugh! I run and turn on the shower. get naked. Grab LM out of the jumperPOO and jump into the shower. On the way poo falls on my foot and gets on my legs and I am just having a super morning! I wash her off trying to make sure there is no poop left between her toes (since she loves to put them in her mouth). I finally get her clean and re-dressed (this is not as easy as it sounds given that I only have two hands I have to dry myself off as well) and into her bouncy chair to hang out while mommy cleans your feces up off the floor.....yup, motherhood is soooo much fun.
I am an awesome mom!!! Maybe next time we can finger-paint with it.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
If husband had a parasite this big he'd be in the hospital!
Today LM is 7 months old. It's amazing how they grow so fast and you don't even notice (except the crippling back arthritis that has set in) until you look back at old pictures.
Anyway, We have been working on LM's sleeping lately (As in she doesn't and I would like her to) and it is wearing me out man! We were co-sleeping and it was fine except I wasn't sleeping much (which was the point of the co-sleeping). LM was still waking up 3-4 times per night to eat, etc. So I decided something had to be done. The wee one has too much control of this situation and I have to take back the night as it were.
We aren't doing the cry-it-out thing for 2 reasons: 1. I don't know that agree with allowing children to cry like that (but if it works for you go for it-not going to start a sleep-training war here) and 2. We live in a 550ft. studio so we can't just shut the door and walk away pretending we don't hear her....she's like 8 feet from us. plus she knows we are there and she is not fooled into thinking that she is alone.
So we have begun Operation "sleep dammit!"
Phase one - Ritual behavior: Every night we do the same things to get ready for sleepy time. We eat, then we take a bath, then we read a story, sometimes she breastfeeds to relax, and then we sit quietly until LM gives up and goes to sleep on my shoulder. So far so good on this front!
Phase two - remove multiple night feedings. Now when she wakes up (and she still does every 2-4 hours because she thinks it's fun to kill me slowly from sleep deprivation) I rock her back to sleep. I have left in 1 night time feeding around 2am that will eventually be removed....baby steps people, baby steps.
So Phase one is a success. Phase two still has yet to really work, but I am hoping that soon she will only wake up once and then not at all. But knowing LM (she's awful persistent) it could be a while.
When you have kids it is all of a sudden perfectly ok for other people to criticize everything you do because they know everything because they also had a kid......yay for you!
SO the consensus around guru's office was again that LM wasn't eating enough and if I would just give her cereal (which is heavier, which we don't give her - I just don't, deal!) she would sleep through the night. I told them that they underestimate LM's resolve, but they insisted on pretending that I was not only the first mother in the world to not give their baby cereal(because "it's really healthy for them"), but also the stupidest person ever. Trust me, you can only take so much beating with the pushy advice stick before you cave.
"Fine!" I said. I will mix some cereal into her food and we will see.
Suffice to say...uh, she still woke up 3 times that night. Proving my point that not only am I not starving my baby, but she wakes up for comfort and not necessarily food....but what do I know, I am only her mother right!
Anyway, We have been working on LM's sleeping lately (As in she doesn't and I would like her to) and it is wearing me out man! We were co-sleeping and it was fine except I wasn't sleeping much (which was the point of the co-sleeping). LM was still waking up 3-4 times per night to eat, etc. So I decided something had to be done. The wee one has too much control of this situation and I have to take back the night as it were.
We aren't doing the cry-it-out thing for 2 reasons: 1. I don't know that agree with allowing children to cry like that (but if it works for you go for it-not going to start a sleep-training war here) and 2. We live in a 550ft. studio so we can't just shut the door and walk away pretending we don't hear her....she's like 8 feet from us. plus she knows we are there and she is not fooled into thinking that she is alone.
So we have begun Operation "sleep dammit!"
Phase one - Ritual behavior: Every night we do the same things to get ready for sleepy time. We eat, then we take a bath, then we read a story, sometimes she breastfeeds to relax, and then we sit quietly until LM gives up and goes to sleep on my shoulder. So far so good on this front!
Phase two - remove multiple night feedings. Now when she wakes up (and she still does every 2-4 hours because she thinks it's fun to kill me slowly from sleep deprivation) I rock her back to sleep. I have left in 1 night time feeding around 2am that will eventually be removed....baby steps people, baby steps.
So Phase one is a success. Phase two still has yet to really work, but I am hoping that soon she will only wake up once and then not at all. But knowing LM (she's awful persistent) it could be a while.
When you have kids it is all of a sudden perfectly ok for other people to criticize everything you do because they know everything because they also had a kid......yay for you!
SO the consensus around guru's office was again that LM wasn't eating enough and if I would just give her cereal (which is heavier, which we don't give her - I just don't, deal!) she would sleep through the night. I told them that they underestimate LM's resolve, but they insisted on pretending that I was not only the first mother in the world to not give their baby cereal(because "it's really healthy for them"), but also the stupidest person ever. Trust me, you can only take so much beating with the pushy advice stick before you cave.
"Fine!" I said. I will mix some cereal into her food and we will see.
Suffice to say...uh, she still woke up 3 times that night. Proving my point that not only am I not starving my baby, but she wakes up for comfort and not necessarily food....but what do I know, I am only her mother right!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
And Supernanny is going to see it all first.....Damn!!
LM is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. She has been stuck in this pseudo-crawling rut for a couple of weeks now. I guess she got bored with that and moved on because now she is onto the standing. She never really mastered the sitting up by herself (although she is pretty good at it). Ahhh, the little one is more and more like me everyday....skip the lame stuff, let's get straight to the walking and talking people!
I keep trying to get her to crawl, but in the end she just kinda inchworms her way to whatever she is trying to get to. She can't get the arms and legs going at the same time I guess....damn appendages, always having a mind of their own!
We'll see how this all plays out. Only thing I know for sure...LM's gonna do it all for Supenanny first...double damn!
I keep trying to get her to crawl, but in the end she just kinda inchworms her way to whatever she is trying to get to. She can't get the arms and legs going at the same time I guess....damn appendages, always having a mind of their own!
We'll see how this all plays out. Only thing I know for sure...LM's gonna do it all for Supenanny first...double damn!
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Baby food Ninja!!
Feeding a baby solid foods requires ninja like precision and speed. In -up - out -catch - refill...and begin again. I have almost perfected the process, but of course this all depends on how SUPER EXCITED LM is about any particular food. For example, sweet potatoes are somewhat more challenging since LM insists on shoving them up her nose as she fights me for the spoon.
Husband is getting pretty good at it, but for the most part we just go with the flow and resign ourselves to the bath afterwards. LM, however, loves everything about eating and would probably bathe in the food if she could.
Husband is getting pretty good at it, but for the most part we just go with the flow and resign ourselves to the bath afterwards. LM, however, loves everything about eating and would probably bathe in the food if she could.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Drooling on the bar!
Tonight one of husband's office friends had a birthday party so we packed up LM and headed to the bar! Yes, we are those people who take their baby to the bar. It's not like we take her to the bar to just hang out or anything. She has been to a total of 3 bars in the 6 months that has been her life and they were all for some kind of event. Generally she is a big hit with the drunken co-eds/yuppies here in NYC and she loves the attention and hams it up! Near the end of the evening I accidentally knocked over someones beer (maybe I shouldn't have had that 10th shot of jagermeister!!). He seemed totally freaked out when I offered him one of our many burp cloths to wipe off his shoes with....dude, we wipe up puke with this. A little beer isn't gonna make much of a difference.
So I asked myself, how can I be even more offensive to those with fragile sensibilities that to have my baby in the bar? I know, I will breast feed my baby in the bar....without a blanket! OMG! No she didn't....oh yes I did! HA! Take that!
Sometime I wait for someone to say something snotty to me....like tell me I should do that in the bathroom (Do you feed your kids in the bathroom?) just so I can rip their heart out of their chest and feed it to my baby....a little too angry? Maybe.
But, no one said anything so LM had to do with just breast milk....maybe she can have heart tomorrow.
Tonight one of husband's office friends had a birthday party so we packed up LM and headed to the bar! Yes, we are those people who take their baby to the bar. It's not like we take her to the bar to just hang out or anything. She has been to a total of 3 bars in the 6 months that has been her life and they were all for some kind of event. Generally she is a big hit with the drunken co-eds/yuppies here in NYC and she loves the attention and hams it up! Near the end of the evening I accidentally knocked over someones beer (maybe I shouldn't have had that 10th shot of jagermeister!!). He seemed totally freaked out when I offered him one of our many burp cloths to wipe off his shoes with....dude, we wipe up puke with this. A little beer isn't gonna make much of a difference.
So I asked myself, how can I be even more offensive to those with fragile sensibilities that to have my baby in the bar? I know, I will breast feed my baby in the bar....without a blanket! OMG! No she didn't....oh yes I did! HA! Take that!
Sometime I wait for someone to say something snotty to me....like tell me I should do that in the bathroom (Do you feed your kids in the bathroom?) just so I can rip their heart out of their chest and feed it to my baby....a little too angry? Maybe.
But, no one said anything so LM had to do with just breast milk....maybe she can have heart tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Glory be to the sleep gods!!
Miracle of miracles, the little monster slept all the way through the night last night...I would like to say that it was a great night of sleep for me, but instead I was waking up every couple hours confused and startled because she wasn't in the bed. But it was nice to wake up and be able to roll over and go back to sleep in any position I wanted without rolling on the baby.
Lets hope this continues.
According to the guru (if you don't know to what I am referring check out this post. and this one.) LM is too old not to be sleeping through the night....uh, she's 6 months old guru! "Yeah, I was very strict with my kids. I would put them in their beds and walk away!"
That would be nice, but I don't have anywhere to walk away to...I live in a 550 sq. foot studio. (In my head) And I don't parent that way. and I'm not taking parenting advice from someone who fed infants jello!
"Well you just aren't feeding her enough."
She eats all the time. We feed her whenever she is hungry.
"Well she needs more food. Not just milk"
SHE'S 6 MONTHS OLD!!!! Babies can live on breast milk alone for a year. If only the cave women had had jello...everything would have been much better.
Miracle of miracles, the little monster slept all the way through the night last night...I would like to say that it was a great night of sleep for me, but instead I was waking up every couple hours confused and startled because she wasn't in the bed. But it was nice to wake up and be able to roll over and go back to sleep in any position I wanted without rolling on the baby.
Lets hope this continues.
According to the guru (if you don't know to what I am referring check out this post. and this one.) LM is too old not to be sleeping through the night....uh, she's 6 months old guru! "Yeah, I was very strict with my kids. I would put them in their beds and walk away!"
That would be nice, but I don't have anywhere to walk away to...I live in a 550 sq. foot studio. (In my head) And I don't parent that way. and I'm not taking parenting advice from someone who fed infants jello!
"Well you just aren't feeding her enough."
She eats all the time. We feed her whenever she is hungry.
"Well she needs more food. Not just milk"
SHE'S 6 MONTHS OLD!!!! Babies can live on breast milk alone for a year. If only the cave women had had jello...everything would have been much better.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Breeding and Baby's first, uh....jello?
Discussions turn - as they always do - to if/when we are going to have another kid. Personally I would like to wait until the one I haev is done breastfeeding before I pop out another crotch fruit, but that is just me. So the other day I was having this conversation with "nutrition guru" from this post and it went something like this:
Me: I just can't imagine taking care of an infant while trying to deal with a two year old! Babies need so much of your attention.
Guru: Well, you just don't hold the second one as much....or play with it or anything....
Me: (In my head) Great, so I can have a second kid so I can ignore it! (Out loud) Right!
That Guru, she is just a wealth of knowledge. Most recently she suggested that LM's first food should be jello because it is easy for the to eat and melts in their mouth. Awesome! I was just thinking that my so far completely natural babies first food should be pure sugar and gelatin....
Thursday, June 21, 2007
My Midnight Showers...
Having an infant can make even the most routine things difficult. For example: eating.
But one of the things I miss the most is taking long hot showers. Taking a shower can be one of the hardest things to fit into a day filled with work, playing with baby, cooking, cleaning, feeding baby, putting baby to sleep, and just trying to relax with husband so I don't jump off the roof. By the end of the day it is 11:30 and I realize I haven't showered in 2 days...yummy!
All I have wanted to do for weeks is dye my pre-maturely graying hair. But somehow I'm never able to fit it into my day (and trust me when you are going gray at 26 you wanna make time).
So starting this week I decided that after the baby and husband are both asleep (husband gets up at 5:30am so is usually in bed by 11:00pm) I am going to have me time. I take a shower read a chapter in whatever book is one hand and catch up on reading my blogs. Granted I may end up getting a little less sleep, but it is worth it to have a little time to myself (that isn't the little sleep I get). I feel better already....gotta love a lukewarm shower (No hot showers for me anymore....trying to save the planet and all).
Having an infant can make even the most routine things difficult. For example: eating.
But one of the things I miss the most is taking long hot showers. Taking a shower can be one of the hardest things to fit into a day filled with work, playing with baby, cooking, cleaning, feeding baby, putting baby to sleep, and just trying to relax with husband so I don't jump off the roof. By the end of the day it is 11:30 and I realize I haven't showered in 2 days...yummy!
All I have wanted to do for weeks is dye my pre-maturely graying hair. But somehow I'm never able to fit it into my day (and trust me when you are going gray at 26 you wanna make time).
So starting this week I decided that after the baby and husband are both asleep (husband gets up at 5:30am so is usually in bed by 11:00pm) I am going to have me time. I take a shower read a chapter in whatever book is one hand and catch up on reading my blogs. Granted I may end up getting a little less sleep, but it is worth it to have a little time to myself (that isn't the little sleep I get). I feel better already....gotta love a lukewarm shower (No hot showers for me anymore....trying to save the planet and all).
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