Dear Little Monster....

Dear Little Monster,

There are a few things that I wanted to discuss with you, but since you don't necessarily understand what I'm saying I thought I would write it down and make you read it when you are older to see how you have tormented me.

1. Please refrain from trying to crawl while nursing. This is quite uncomfortable for me and nipple aren't supposed to stretch that far. Also, diaper changing is a bad time to practice this.

2. Question. Do you have to make those weird grunts every time I feed you solids? Just wondering.

3. Please for the love of God could you sleep for more than 2 hours at a time (actually at this point I would take for more than an hour). You probably don't know this, but mommy is slowing going completely insane due to lack of sleep and frustration over not knowing what to do to convince you that sleep is....awesome. Seriously, I am really starting to lose it!

4. I know you want to play with Naughty Little Kitty, but I am sick of finding clumps of his hair in your fists....plus I think he's on to you. The fear of you has started to win against his pathetic need to be near me and he has started running away from you.

5. I know that you are really excited to walk, but maybe we should work on making this crawling thing happen first....what do you think?

6. When I am trying to get you to sleep why can I not sit down. I mean really, I don't see the difference. Either way you are draped over my shoulder and I am moving so do we have to stay in the position that is giving mommy scoliosis?

7. Why is your poo a different color ever day? And while we are on the topic, could you not stick your fingers in it when I am trying to change your diaper...thanks.

8. Could you let daddy know that when you are crying in the middle of the night and I say "it's your turn" and hit him, that doesn't mean "Please pick the baby up and put her in bed with me".

9. Just for good measure, please see #3 again.

The JumperPOO

So in case you were not aware one of the fun parts about being a mom is that you child can routinely make you feel like a horrible parent even when you have no real control over a situation. Example:

This morning I put LM in her jumperoo while I went to get her stuff ready for Supernanny. I returned a few minutes later and saw that she was still jumping contentedly in the roo with naughty little kitty standing watch next to her. I had not yet put on my glasses so at first I didn't notice, but as I was smiling at LM I noticed that NLK was staring at something under her feet.

Holy Crap LM!!!! You're jumping in.....crap!

That's right folk, LM had pooped so much that it had come out of her diaper (through the leg holes) and covered the floor under her feet. Not only was there shit on the floor, but LM was still jumping and spreading the poo around with her feet.....ugh! I run and turn on the shower. get naked. Grab LM out of the jumperPOO and jump into the shower. On the way poo falls on my foot and gets on my legs and I am just having a super morning! I wash her off trying to make sure there is no poop left between her toes (since she loves to put them in her mouth). I finally get her clean and re-dressed (this is not as easy as it sounds given that I only have two hands I have to dry myself off as well) and into her bouncy chair to hang out while mommy cleans your feces up off the floor.....yup, motherhood is soooo much fun.

I am an awesome mom!!! Maybe next time we can finger-paint with it.