Cause you know you wanna hear all the random shit that goes on in my life....

Here's a quick update on things here in the "belly blogs" household:

1. My belly is still larger than I would like, but I have managed to lose 2 pounds so far since the move.

2. The little monster is now attempting to stand on her own which means a lot more falling down, smacking her face and then crying

3. LM is still basically sleeping through the night....although the waking up at 6am has continued to my dismay

4. I am working on my photography and shot a wedding yesterday. The pictures turned out pretty well and I am happy with the results.

5. Today I cast a set of chess pieces in plaster which turned out very nicely.....yes, I am crafty. Just call be Martha Stewart minus the fraud...and about 30 years.

6. I unfortunately have started smoking again (don't ask why, I can't tell you) but at least I can get outside away from LM. Now I just have to start doing lots of cocaine and drinking and I can really show off my superb parenting skills.

7. Husband is leaving Friday to start the long drive to OR. LM and I will be flying over and joining him on the 1st of October.

8. *Random Tangent* Why is it that as soon as you have a baby people start asking about when you will have more? Slow down people. We are still trying to keep this one from killing herself on a daily basis, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

9. *Random tangent #2* My parents' neighbors have about 5 dogs that they have in an outdoor kennel at all times and the fuckers bark incessantly. WTF shitty neighbors. Don't have dogs if they aren't allowed to come int he house.

10. LM has learned to say "Doggie" (although it comes out more like "dogga"), unfortunately now anything with 4 legs and fur is a "dogga" whether it is canine or not.

11. I still have yet to find a job in Portland....yeah, we are being real responsible about this whole moving across the country thing.

12. We are missing Supernanny and are tyring to find her yet another new job since woman we found before we left turned out to be an insane nanny Nazi who walks around her house with the baby in high heels. Who does shit like that. Apparently she didn't really want a nanny, she wanted a maid and she rarely even lets Supernanny hold the baby let alone take care of her. So if anyone knows of some nice people who are looking for a nanny let me know.

13. On Tuesday I am taking Lm to her first mommy and me play group. I am both excited and nervous about this. On the one hand I think that LM will LOVE it. She adores other children and I think has been missing all her friends from the NYC playgrounds. On the other hand, I am not that huge a fan of people in general and the thought of socially interacting with people who I might very well dislike simply because we have spawn disturbs me. I am not your typical mother. Usually I am younger than everyone else at these things and I have a much more laid back approach to parenting (read letting baby chew on batteries....please don't send me nasty emails about this, it's a joke people!) Ahhh, the sacrifices we make for our crotch fruit.

14. *Random tangent #3* Why is health insurance so damn expensive? I mean seriously folks! Who's a girl gotta sleep with to get some coverage around here?

15. My grandmother is slowly descending into madness (well I guess it's more like falling really fast). Apparently now her big problem is that her shoes won't stay one her feet. But no one else seems to see the shoes magically leaping from her feet. Although I suppose this is better than the time she thought there were little children living in the nursing home that walked through walls (My grandmother does not have dementia or Alzheimer's. She is, however, 95 and completely off her rocker).

16. I am enjoying my time so far away from the city. At times I am already nostalgic for the lights and sounds of NYC, but then there are times like these where I sit in front of the fire pit out under the stars and can type and listen to the crickets. At times like these, I know I'm not missing a thing.

The Nanny Wars:

So, now we all know that I have the superest (yes I know that's not a word) babysitter in the world. She is just f-ing super! So generally I don't bother her about what she and the baby do all day (I just pretend they play on a bed of pillows!). What I didn't know is that nannies in NYC (maybe everywhere) are at war. They show off their charges, fight for each other's jobs, and are terrified of being snitched on. Now I'm not talking "that woman kicked your baby in the face" kinda snitching - that is necessary. I'm talking "she didn't put bratty ugly-face in the swing this afternoon! Isn't she a terrible person." Here's how I found out this little nugget of info.

evidence 1 - FL Grandma takes LM to the park one day when she is visiting. All the other nannies who know supernanny and LM come over to inquire as to where SN is and when she will be back, etc. Here's what she witnesses as the day goes on. The other sitters comment repeatedly on how cute LM is and how she is a good baby. They also tell FL grandma about SN and how she and LM play (all good things thank god!). Then later in the day, one of the nannies comes over and asks if she can be LM's nanny. FL Grandma says sorry, no, we already have one and the woman is very sad....I asked Grandma if the woman was watching a child and grandma says yes! So this woman was ready to abandon child #1 and come and take care of the little monster...wow my kid must be awesome....or the other kid's parents blow!
As the day goes on she notices that most of these children are really bratty...the nannies follow them around all day making sure they get whatever they want (even if they are being terrors). Grandma inquired about this behavior to one of the nannies she had befriended and the woman said that they are all afraid that someone will tell their employers bad things about them if they are stern with the children or tell them no. Well that was it for grandma...she couldn't believe it! I told her. You don't understand these people...they give their children everything. I can totally see them firing someone who made their kid made because she told him her wasn't allowed to jam that pencil into that other kid's ear (ok, I exaggerate, but it is bad)!

evidence 2 - This morning, I put LM in a new dress that we had bought this weekend on sale. It is pretty damn adorable and when SN came in this AM she was just beside herself..."oh, you look so pretty, we must go outside immediately and show off your new dress to the other nannies!!" Uh, ok. didn't know it was a competition, but whatever. "She is the best baby in the building"...Ok, cool! So off they go to show off her new dress and give all the other nannies in the building complexes because the kids they watch are not as cute and must have boogers in their noses!

evidence 3 - also this morning, SN informs me that after she give LM her bath in the afternoon, she doesn't like to put her back on the swings because she smells so nice and she doesn't want to get her all dirty again.....Whatever, I'm just happy that I don't have to give her a bath everyday. "So if somebody says, oh she doesn't let her go on the swings in the afternoon...that is why" Ok....

So there you have it....it's an all out war people. I will report on more of this odd behavior as I see it.

Fuck-off Super Nanny....

So I love my babysitter. She is great. My daughter loves her and I think she loves LM too. This is all at once a great thing and a horrible horrible thing....I am convinced that LM likes supernanny more than she likes me. This morning LM was whiny whiny whiny...until, dah dah dah...supernanny arrives and then it is all smiles and jumpin up and down and shit. Hey, I have the milk producing things, love me!! love me!!!
Now I know that I am the one who makes her go to sleep and drops her on her head (Just kidding, that only happened once!) and refuses to let her pull my hair until my scalp bleeds, but I can be fun just like supernanny....I swear!

Oh well, I guess I should just be happy that my baby likes the woman she spends 40hrs/week with....even if it does make me feel like nothing but her feedbag :(